When I first started at the Galleon Group, I thought the only way to be successful in trading was to be a bully. I constantly saw/heard guys on the other end of the phone being verbally undressed, whipped and beaten. I didn't understand it. If a sales trader called our desk with time-sensitive information, but were a little behind the curve, they would be greeted with a "stale" or "late" followed by a click. Why would you intimidate and discourage someone who's trying to help you? To motivate them? I guess, but that eventually stops working. I realized my best move was to assume the role of "good cop." Almost instantly, I started developing relationships and people wanted to help me. Eventually, information started flowing my way — and I became a better trader.
Have self-awareness. I didn't have the most graceful exit from the business. What I lacked most rising up the Street was self-awareness. I had moments of it and very often questioned my behavior, but I was never able to do much with these glimpses of reality. I always considered my issues and problems to be in the future. Sure, I got a performance review every year. But how I defined my success was the number at the bottom — my bonus. Truth be told, I wasn't really motivated to find my own faults when someone was paying me seven figures.
Well, as it turns out, that old cliché, "Money can't buy happiness," is true. Though, a more accurate version would be, "Money can rent happiness, but with a teaser rate, short-term lease and penalty for late fees."
I learned that lesson the hard way. It only took me two drug and alcohol rehabs, a blown seven-figure investment in the L.A.-based chain Fatburger, a short sale of my own $2 million house and damaging the relationship with the mother of my daughter. It was a very expensive lesson, but I'm grateful I got it.
So, don't confuse net worth with self worth. The two are mutually exclusive.
If I'm an expert of anything ... it's what-not-to-do on Wall Street. Here's a quick list of don'ts:
Don't try and buy quality of life — work at it. When I was making $22,000 a year, I thought all of my problems would be solved if I could make $50,000. I was having the same thoughts making $2 million a year.
Don't be the wind-up toy at business dinners. Wining and dining is an integral part of Wall Street, but very often getting the laughs isn't synonymous with getting the promotion.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Know what you don't know and use it to your advantage.
Don't smile when they give you your bonus, but say "thank you." Nobody ever got more money by screaming, "WOO HOO!!!" and doing a fist pump.
Don't tell your boss he's bi-polar (Trust me on this one).
Don't run a race that doesn't have a finish line.
Don't start a fake Twitter account and tweet from the elevator.
Commentary by Turney Duff, a former trader at the hedge fund Galleon Group and author of the memoir, "The Buy Side." He is a commentator on CNBC's "Filthy Rich Guide" and a consultant on the Showtime show, "Billions," starring Damian Lewis and Paul Giamatti. Follow him on Twitter @turneyduff.
For more insight from CNBC contributors, follow @CNBCOpinion on Twitter.