How do you know you're looking at a bad marriage?
Well if one or both of the spouses can't wait to get out as soon as the smallest crack in the door opens, you have a pretty good clue.
Something like that just happened in Europe as we learned the real reason why so many traders were still invested in the euro: They had nowhere else to go.
As the Swiss National Bank unlocked the doors on its cap on trading euros for Swiss francs, the rush to exit the euro was faster than one of those French bullet trains.
Read MoreA Swiss bombshell: Why the franc soared 30%
And no one should be surprised because the euro, like the entire idea of the EU itself, has been a badly conceived arranged marriage from the beginning.
We know this because every time the truth-telling markets or those annoying European people known as "voters" get a real chance to weigh in, they both clearly say they want out.
Here's the problem: They're still not free to go.
Ask the people of Ireland, who were famously forced to vote again after they rejected a key EU treaty in 2008. Yes, the Irish voters did approve it in the re-vote a year later, but mostly because –like staying in a bad marriage -- they realized they had no other option.
Read MoreEnding the Swiss peg: What it really means
Ask the people of Britain, who are showing greater and greater support for the anti-EU UKIP party. UKIP's leaders have the gall to insist on real political freedom for the UK and all the European nations. They also insist on things like "one person, one vote," and the right of each sovereign nation to regulate immigration.
Both of those ideas are a threat to the abusive EU husbands in Belgium who know that if they let their attractive wives like Britain, Ireland, Denmark etc. assert their independence, they'll leave the EU marriage quickly.
The desperation to keep the unhappy marriage together takes a lot of forms. Sometimes they come in the form of a wink and nod about coming stimulus plans from ECB President Mario Draghi. More often, it comes in the form of insisting UKIP and others who demand more sovereignty and freedom are just a bunch of racists. Many of the members of the European news media are especially good suckers for that line.
Read MoreWhat the Swiss franc shock means for markets
But all of this is why the Swiss National Bank's decision is at least a clear rhetorical victory for UKIP and everyone else who has insisted the only reason the EU is still together is because the anti-democratic powers who run it simply don't let anyone leave.
Are currency traders "racist" for dumping the euro in favor of a better currency? Are stock investors being nativist for wanting to put their money in a safer harbor?
Of course not. They're no more racist that a neglected or mistreated wife is disloyal if she leaves her husband.
So I propose a test: All the voters in every EU member country should be allowed to once again vote on European Union membership. But this time, the first votes must be accepted and no stern punishments can be threatened for the nations who bolt.
Something tells me such a vote would make today's rush to get out of the euro look like nothing.
Commentary by Jake Novak, supervising producer of "Street Signs." Follow him on Twitter @jakejakeny.
