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• The Perfect Contest: America's Ugliest Office Tuesday, 4 Sep 2007 | 1:59 PM ET

  

  I have found it. The perfect contest for the miserable office worker. Acco Brands is sponsoring America’s Ugliest Office. Enter at www.americasugliestoffice.com and you have a shot at either a 42” HDTV, or a TRIP TO HAWAII. Talk about bringing hope to the downtrodden! One mock-up of an ugly office has the chair doubling as a toilet, so you never have to leave. Nice. The contest runs through Nov. 30, and, so far, Jerry’s home office in Columbus gets my vote.

• KFC Has A 'Finger Lickin Good' Mail Call Friday, 31 Aug 2007 | 12:35 PM ET

  

  KFC is trying to get people to buy its new $2.99 lunch deals by going door-to-door at the office. Literally. It is paying to put plates of chicken on company mail carts making the rounds in office buildings before lunch.

• A&P Market Rap Video: Eat To The Beets Anyone? Thursday, 30 Aug 2007 | 8:51 AM ET

  

  Two brothers from New Jersey have been fired from an A&P market for filming a rap video called “Produce Paradise.” Click here to check it out. Yes, it’s juvenile and somewhat disgusting, and it reminds us all to thoroughly rinse our veggies when we get home from the grocery store.

• Weight Loss: It's Location, Location, Location? Wednesday, 29 Aug 2007 | 9:49 AM ET

  

  Wanna lose weight? Buy a bigger house. Researchers at the University of Washington found that for every $100,000 more a house is worth, the homeowners are 2% less likely to be obese. So wealth=trim, poor=fat. Wealth=ability to afford the gym and time to care about looking good; poor=just trying to get through the day and eating lots of prepackaged mac n' cheese. This is news?

• Mortgage Song Parodies: The Day The Loan Died Tuesday, 28 Aug 2007 | 8:13 AM ET

  

  People, you need to start recording these on video and sending them to me...forget YouTube. Mortgage advisor Andrea S. says this song parody of Don McLean's "American Pie" came from a branch manager at a very, very big mortgage lender you may have heard of which is having trouble lately:

• Females Like Pink Because They Picked Red Fruit?! Monday, 27 Aug 2007 | 4:49 PM ET

  

  Girls like pink more than boys. Now, I know this totally blows away all your preconceived notions about gender and color. Oh wait. A visual neuroscientist, Dr. Anya Hurlbert, has determined that women do, in fact, like pink more than men. Actually, females like all reddish tones more than males. Why? We don't know why. But Dr. Hurlbert suggests in Current Biology that is goes back millions of years.

• Jockey's Wedgie Proof Brief And The Butt Cam Monday, 27 Aug 2007 | 3:58 PM ET

  

  Jockey has decided that to sell underwear, it needs to tell you how uncomfortable underwear makes you. Follow me here. Actually, don't follow me here because I've got nowhere to go with this one. At www.stopsquirming.com, the brief-maker tries the hot-hot-hot concept of "viral marketing" by showing how people react to wedgies created by "inferior undergarments."

• 'Imagine' No Subprime: The World Will Live As One? Monday, 27 Aug 2007 | 12:19 PM ET

  

  Today I'm uncovering the truth about home prices. Yes, the truth! We went to an auction this weekend in Ontario, California, where a NEW Beazer home was on the foreclosure block (I guess the original buyer's lending fell through). In a neighborhood where other new, or nearly new, homes are on sale for $420k, this home's opening bid was...$209,000.

• Real Estate Crisis? Doesn't Matter (Too Much) In Vail Friday, 24 Aug 2007 | 12:09 PM ET

  

  I'm in Vail, Colorado, which is in the midst of a massive, $2 billion make-over to try to make it a year-round destination. Cranes and construction are everywhere. Aspen seems to get most of the summer tourist business, and Vail wants a piece of it. The two towns have about as much affection for each other as the Crips and Bloods.

• Florence Henderson Back in Oil Business (Canola That Is) Wednesday, 22 Aug 2007 | 10:47 AM ET

  

  Wesson Oil has re-hired Florence Henderson as spokeswoman. The company is supposed to post some of her old commercials on their ConAgra Web site, but I couldn’t find them. What I did find is Henderson’s “tips for cooking with canola oil” (yes, I truly believe these tips came straight from Flo’s kitchen and were not made up by marketing people… no, really, I believe that):

• Best Restroom  Of The Year Or Just Some Toilet Humor? Wednesday, 22 Aug 2007 | 8:34 AM ET

  

  Here's an award worth winning! Cintas, which provides bathroom supplies, announced the winner of this year’s “best restroom” contest. The award goes to Jungle Jim’s International Market, a grocery store outside Cincinnati. Get this. The bathroom entrances appear to be portable toilets. But once inside, they all lead to a jungle themed restroom with flowers...

• My Perfect Screen Saver? And Everyone Sing Fake Jane! Tuesday, 21 Aug 2007 | 1:56 PM ET

  

  First off, check out this freeze frame of me and the banner underneath. One person has threatened to make this his screen saver! FAKE JANE'S SONG PARODY: to the chorus of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone."

• Mortgage Crunch Blues: More Song Parodies To Sing By Tuesday, 21 Aug 2007 | 11:31 AM ET

  

  Here are more song parodies (see my previous post) to try to bring a smile to those of you upside down in your mortgage (or upside down in your Capital One and Countrywide stock): From a Colorado mortgage company grunt, the appropriately named Rocky M (talk about smiling through the pain), called 'Green Tree Beret" and sung to the "Green Beret" theme:

• Elton John, The Eagles Respond To Countrywide Crisis Monday, 20 Aug 2007 | 3:34 PM ET

  

  So is my headline true? Not really. But bloggers out there are having a field day with the Countrywide situation, capturing the mortgage mayhem in ways more creative than any no-doc, no money down, 120% Alt-A pay-option mortgage. From paper-money.blogspot.com, come the following song parodies from "Anonymous" (I promise it's not me. I'm not that clever. Not even Fake Jane is that clever.

• Countrywide Talks (Employees) And Fake Jane Responds Monday, 20 Aug 2007 | 2:05 PM ET

  

  So I'm sitting in the bagel shop on Saturday morning having my usual breakfast and coffee, when a woman approaches me with a sunny smile and says, "I work at Countrywide and we watch you all the time!" I grimaced, thinking she must hate me. Instead, she said, "Are you OK?" I said, "Yes I'm fine, but, more importantly, how are you?" "Great!" She proceeded to tell me that everyone on the inside knows Countrywide is going to be fine...

• You Laugh Because It Hurts Too Much to Cry Pt. 2 Friday, 17 Aug 2007 | 11:49 AM ET

  The folks who run a song parody site called VERSUS have sent me their "song of the week." If this doesn't make you smile through the pain, well, pour yourself another scotch and then listen.

• Angelo Mozilo Unplugged Friday, 17 Aug 2007 | 11:35 AM ET

  

  The Countrywide Investor Relations site is promoting its 2007 Investor Forum. It takes place Sept. 5-6 and includes a "Servicing Tour"at the company's offices in Simi Valley, followed by a day-long panel discussion and Q&A at headquarters in Calabasas. Discussions include a "Servicing Overview -- Managing Through Turbulent Times" and "Bank Integration and Capital Strategies."

• You Laugh Because it Hurts too Much to Cry Wednesday, 15 Aug 2007 | 4:28 PM ET

  

  Regarding my earlier blogs on Countrywide spacer calling customers to remind them to pay their mortgages (which Countrywide confirms), I received this email from Michael Paslawskyj. He's a Senior Economist for the American Institute for Economic Research who says he's spent much of the last 25 years working in financial services and says he's never heard of such a policy.

• A Celebrity-Studded Economic Outlook (And More Erin) Wednesday, 15 Aug 2007 | 2:42 PM ET

  

  Just putting Erin Burnett's picture on my blog boosted my traffic more than 100% yesterday. Or maybe it was the Fake Jane pic.

• Naked, Nigeria, Notes Tuesday, 14 Aug 2007 | 2:10 PM ET

  

  Ok, so some of you felt a little ripped off by the last blog. You were. But it worked. Wondering what other key words I should use to promote clickage. "Buffett"? "Beastiality"? "Naked.... shorts"? Some suggest the answer might be to actually blog about something meaningful. Oh.