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At a Loss ... 'Call Me, Faber'... Rat-Sized Snails Attack!

A street memorial near the scene of twin bombings at the Boston Marathon.
Getty Images
A street memorial near the scene of twin bombings at the Boston Marathon.

With Respect ...

This blog is meant to be a funny and sarcastic look ahead and back at business news through the unique "Squawk Box" lens. But at times this week, there was no way I could view anything from that point of view.

From the horrific, cowardly acts in Boston to the tragic explosion in West, Texas, I simply didn't know what would feel appropriate. I asked my wife, who has to balance emotions like this on-air every day. She expressed her concern, too, but then noted we were going to be late for work and better get moving.

As she often does, this led me to as good an answer as any I could come up with on my own.

No matter what, in life we all still have to keep going. Going to work, to school, to church, to the game, to the store. Going to life, every day. It doesn't mean we do it without respect, or faith, or a heavy heart. But we all have to keep moving forward, just as America has proved it can, time after time, challenge after challenge.

However, before we begin, I need to say on behalf of everyone in the "Squawk" family, our hearts and prayers are with all the victims of both the tragic explosion in Texas and the senseless acts of violence in Boston.

So now, this week, with respect, let's keep moving and "Talking Squawk."

'Squawk Reserve'

It may be one of the most important things we do on the show. The "Squawk Reserve" brings our viewers access to live interviews of sitting Federal Reserve Board governors. This kind of access just didn't happen on TV 10 or 15 years ago. I just wish I personally understood "Fed-Speak" better (or had paid more attention in college economics class.). So without further ado, here is this week's very important man saying very important things that I don't understand but know are very important (story).

AAPLunacy

If someone tells you they know where the stock of Apple (AAPL chart) is going, don't believe them, because they don't. Two hundred dollars on the way to $400, on the way to $700 on the way to $1,000—oops, hold on! We need to "adjust our numbers."

Let's make that $700 on the way to $500 on the way $395 on the way to. … Name me a person who called this right before the opportunity to "adjust" multiple times? No one has any idea how to value this company, because it hasn't traded on fundamentals in a very long time.

*DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against Apple, and I love their products.

Giant African land snails are shown to the media at the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services.
Getty Images
Giant African land snails are shown to the media at the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services.

News You Can (Kind of) Use

Becky: "Busy morning if you are just waking up: Dish offers to buy Sprint Nextel for $25 billion, gold plunges 6 percent, oil is imploding, Citigroup just reported earnings. ..."

Joe: "Did you see, rat-sized snails are invading southern Florida!?" (video)

Mark Your Calander (or Set Your DVR)

  • Monday: Gary Kaminsky and Greg Fleming of Morgan Stanley Wealth Management (guest hosts); plus Doug Oberhelman, Caterpillar CEO
  • Tuesday: Thomas Michaud KBE CEO (guest host)
  • Wednesday: Mark Okada, Highland Capital CEO
  • Thursday: Stephen Ross, The Related Companies Chairman
  • Friday: Ralph Schlosstein, Evercore Partners CEO and Blair Effron, Centerview Partners Founder (guest hosts)
Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss
Adam Jeffery | CNBC
Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss

Tweets of Note

@carney: The real question is what's gold's price in Bitcoins? - via John Carney, senior editor of CNBC's NetNet blog

(What would we do without the Winklevoss Twins?)

@JoeKernensHair: I look perfect again this morning.

(Mmm Perfect?? Again?? What are you smoking?)

@carlquintanilla: All those clothes you bought that never get worn. Why? http://on.wsj.com/15grg1q

(Oh Stop Carl! This comes from the guy who looks good no matter what he's wearing!)

Squawkward Moments - Take 1

Rick Santelli: "I think anybody who tries to pick bottoms is crazy."

Joe: "Ugh, Disgusting!"

Squawkward Moments - Take 2

Andrew: "I was in Cambodia, My ear was killing me. I had to go to the doctor."

Joe: "Do you know why people go see a doctor in Cambodia, Andrew?"

Andrew: "Umm..."

Joe: "It's not because they have swimmer's ear."

Disruptors Redux

We describe "disruptors" as... mostly geeky "brainiacs" with really cool ideas that will change the way the world works. (Of course rich people will buy-out many of these "ideas" making a lot of these "brainiacs" mega-rich overnight.)

We had planned a big week of these soon to be supermodel magnets, but the events in Boston of course took priority and we rescheduled it for this upcoming week.

Geeks on the schedule include Tony Fadell, NEST CEO; Dave Morin, Path Co-Founder; Geoff Lewis, Founders Fund Principal; Tom Preston-Werner, GitHub Founder; and John Collison, Stripe Co-Founder

Cramer Clip

Jim Cramer, our only in-house Squawk Master, was all over Tuesday morning's earnings. (video)

Joe Kernen's head on the big snail.
CNBC
Joe Kernen's head on the big snail.

Hair Nation

In the Control Room, we love matching Squawk guests with Joe, Andrew or Becky's hair and vice versa.(No, we won't grow up!)

Earlier, I mentioned the rat-sized snails. This week, the slimy side of Joe's personality came out.

Data Check: Next Week's Economic Calendar

  • Monday: Existing Home Sales (10 a.m. ET)
  • Tuesday: New Home Sales (10 a.m. ET)
  • Wednesday: Durable Goods (8:30 a.m. ET)
  • Thursday: Initial Jobless Claims (8:30 a.m. ET)
  • Friday: GDP (Q1-advance) (8:30 a.m. ET)

Faber, Call Me ... Maybe

Monday Morning ... News Team Assemble!

6:20 a.m. ET: Dish launches a $25 billion bid for Sprint Nextel. Joe yells to the Control Room on-air, "Wake up, Faber!"

6:21 a.m. ET: (Silence)

6:25 a.m. ET: Joe asks again, "Control room?"

6:26 a.m. ET: "Fine! OK, OK! We're on it," we replied. (Somebody picks up the phone and calls Faber.)

6:27 a.m. ET: (Busy signal)

6:40 a.m. ET: (No answer)

6:52 a.m. ET: (Wrong number) Woke some dude up, "Sorry!"

6:55 a.m. ET: (Voicemail)

7:00 a.m. ET: (Dial tone)

7:10 a.m. ET: Word comes from the News Desk that David's "working his sources" and will be joining us shortly.

7:30 a.m. ET: More word that "he's on the way to the NYSE." (Speeding along)

7:35 a.m. ET: (Call again. … Phone busy)

7:40 a.m. ET: Faber Tweets: @David Faber LIFE Deal Done at $76 Cash. Thermo is the buyer ... the Control Room said, "What??!! Call the News Desk back, what is he working on!!??"

8:00 a.m. ET: Word from the News Desk, "Faber is alive and at the NYSE NOW!" (Don't rush)

8:03 a.m. ET: Squawk Audio Coordinator Justin Elmendorf checks Faber's mic and camera in live from the NYSE

8:07 a.m. ET: Faber makes air! (video)

News Team Finally Assembled (Anchorman)!

Sorry everyone, (my bad) I think the Post Office could have mailed our viewers an update faster!

Becky wins Word Jumble!
Matt belverdere | CNBC
Becky wins Word Jumble!

Word Jumble

It's one of Squawk Box's oldest traditions. After the show, Joe and Becky compete every day to see who can be the first to solve the Word Jumble puzzle in the newspaper.

This week's score: Becky and Joe are tied with two wins apiece.

Words we stumbled on when jumbled.

Becky: PEWST (SWEPT)

Joe: CLUSPT (SCULPT), FORDN (FROND), CESCIN (SCENIC)

Let's give both of them a bonus word this week:

For Joe let's try: RGCMRDNEOU

For Becky: ZIDDGSNAOEIR

*NOTE: Answers at the end.

Must Follow Them @

@dmeelarp (Dean cuts all my video for this blog and the show! If I don't show him some love I'm afraid he's gonna dump me.)

@hblodget (Henry Blodget of BusinessInsider.com bailed us out at the last minute when Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf bailed because of a toothache! No, I'm not kidding!)

Earnings Central

The "Corny-Sappy Motivational Business-Based Inspirational Quote" for the Weekend

"A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after a success." —Author: Unknown (So feel free to quote me!)

Last Line

Next week is a whole new week.

By CNBC's Matthew Quayle. Follow him on Twitter @ matthew_quayle

*Joe's Bonus Word Jumble: RGCMRDNEOU = "CURMUDGEON"

**Becky's Bonus Word Jumble: ZIDDGSNAOEIR = "DISORGANIZED"

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