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Zombie-Kernen Mashup, Gross Big Soda Fix, Apple Bump

Talking Squawk: Blogging tidbits, insight and some sarcasm on the WEEK THAT WAS and the WEEK TO COME from the notepad of the senior executive producer of "Squawk Box."

Blend Images | Agency Collection | Getty Images

Apologies…

A short and sweet version of "Talking Squawk" this week. (Yes I know, how can you survive without a weekly dose of me "bloviating" endlessly about nothing!)

But I'm having sinus surgery and our "Squawk Box" Digital Producer @Matt_SquawkCNBC is at a wedding (not his), so for the six of you out there who read this (Hi Mom!) I'll make next week's edition extra-long to make up for lost time.

BTW: To Bloviate is to…

The term "To Bloviate" was introduced to me years ago by the late, great, inaugural "Squawk" host Mark Haines. (I am sure the term has a true literary history, but here at Squawk, Mark IS OUR HISTORY. So his word is final.)

He once told me the most essential skill he acquired that helped him survive in this business all these years was his "ability to Bloviate." He taught me so much! (But this was one of his greatest lessons.) It hits at the core of our industry sometimes.

blo·vi·ate — intr.v. blo·vi·at·ed, blo·vi·at·ing, blo·vi·ates Slang To discourse at length in a pompous or boastful manner.

In Mark's honor, I have managed to fill up almost a full webpage already and have yet to say a thing.

Little Squawkers

Thursday was bring-your-child-to-work day—our excuse to brag about how great and smart and beautiful all our kids are and to show them off on TV. (ENOUGH ALREADY!)

Rise of the Machines!

Okay, Okay. So Caterpillar missed earnings expectations and guided lower (details, details).

But we here at "Squawk Box" have always loved Caterpillar (This is another Mark Haines thing) because Caterpillar is American and Caterpillar makes Machines! Real machines! Big Machines! Macho Machines! Get Dirty With 'Em Machines! You get the picture.

Doug Oberhelman, CEO of Caterpillar, came on (despite missing their numbers because he's a stand-up guy!) to talk about the challenging global business environment, and how Caterpillar will continue to rise above the storm. (story)

Rise of the Machines! FAKE Tweet Edition

The stock market tumbled for a few minutes Tuesday afternoon following the fake tweet that went out on the Associated Press' @AP twitter account, which read "Breaking: Two explosions in the White House and Barack Obama is injured." (REMEMBER THIS WAS FAKE, FAKE, FAKE).

The fake tweet was quickly explained away from @AP_CorpComm, which wrote: "Advisory: @AP Twitter account has been hacked. Tweet about an attack at the White House is false" but not fast enough to catch the computer trading sell programs. The market recovered promptly when humans intervened.

Okay, a few thoughts come to mind here:

  1. Don't we all see that these computers are only going to get faster, and more reactionary, while the social media is going to get more and more out of control? Think about it. A one line "tweet" that anybody with a brain could see was fake and the markets lost $200 Billion (Yes with a B!) in less than two minutes. What do we think is going to happen when a good fake happens? Or a real event rocks us? We only think we have control of this stuff.
  2. Who the heck made the AP's password? Let me guess: "AP1Tweet" or "APTwitter1" or "TweetAP" Geez, I mean can we use some common sense here. You are the Associated Press for God's Sake! Let's practice for a second on Joe Kernen. If we had to make a password for Joe would we pick "HairclubforMen"? Of course not, we'd get hacked! How about Andrew, "TooBigToFail"? Got it in two tries! You have to think people! How about we all practice and tweet suggestions for Joe and Andrew's new passwords to @SquawkCNBC and we'll post a few funny ones next week.
  3. I believe the password for the Talking Squawk Blog wasn't changed in time "TalkingSquawk1" and this blog may have been compromised (we don't actually have a Talking Squawk twitter account). As a result I now take zero responsibility for anything you read here. I'll try to change the password by next week (squawkbox3.) They'll never get that!

Other Tweets of Note

@beckyquickcnbc: Mike Boyd says AFTER sequestration, FAA will have 5% MORE $ than 5 years ago while dealing with 8% FEWER flights.

(A great example from one of our favorite aviation experts of the classic corporate management work model: Earn more, work less.)

@hblodget RT @businessinsider HUSSMAN: The Cover Of The Latest Barron's Is A Screaming Call To Sell http://read.bi/15ANSu0

(I am a big believer in contrary media indicators. CNBC is great at it too. When we make a new graphic package that says "The New Bull Market" or "The Great Housing Boom" my advice...)

And one more from Becky who was on a roll this week.

@beckyquickcnbc: What Bloomberg should say if he really wants us 2 stop drinking soda MT @OMGFacts: Feces bacteria found in 1/2 all fast food soda fountains

(Yikes, can you imagine what is in old bar beer taps!?)

Mark Your Calendar (or Set Your DVR)

  • Monday: BASF CEO, and Philips Electronics North America CEO
  • Tuesday: Charles Kantor, managing director at Neuberger Berman (guest host)
  • Wednesday: Richard Haass, president of the Council on Foreign Relations
  • Thursday: Realogy CEO, and Cloudera CEO
  • Friday: Mario Gabelli, John Rogers Jr., Douglas Kass all Live from the Berkshire Hathaway Annual Shareholder Meeting in Omaha, Neb.

'Squawkward Moments' – Take 1

Brian Sullivan (sitting in for Joe on Monday and Tuesday) starts the week off right, talking about how the sequestration is slowing air traffic across the country.

Brian: "Great, as it is I don't drink 24 hours before I get on a plane."

Andrew: "Why, you don't like airplane bathrooms? "

Brian: "No, It's that I don't fit in airplane bathrooms. Can you say, door open?"

'Squawkward Moments' – Take 2

Andrew: "Okay, it's time to move over to the chairs."

Brian: "What's that?

Andrew: "It's where we walk over to those high director's chairs and get to talk about whatever we want."

Brian: "Oh, great, I'll have to put on my pants."

(Thankfully Brian's lower half was covered by the anchor desk at the time!)

Earnings Calendar

(One more big week of earnings and then things will calm down a bit.)

Becky wins Word Jumble!
Matt belverdere | CNBC
Becky wins Word Jumble!

Word Jumble

Kernen was out scoping garage sales or something on Monday or Tuesday and now I'm gone so the Word Jumble competition was brief this week. On Wednesday's one day showdown, Becky won.

The jumbled word Joe stumbled on: NICADD "Candid"

So Joe gets an extra bonus word this week for practice: AWDBGIN

*Answer at the end

Women Who Get it Done

On "Squawk," we love powerful women (we need more in Corporate America!) who know how to get it done in the "man's world" known as Wall Street, and DuPont CEO Ellen Kullman is one example of someone who keeps getting it done. (video)

Do I Know You?

Look who was back in the Guest Host chair on Monday? Hey, didn't you work here once? (video)

Control Room fun! Photo mash-up of CNBC's Joe Kernen as a zombie-Merle from "The Walking Dead."
CNBC
Control Room fun! Photo mash-up of CNBC's Joe Kernen as a zombie-Merle from "The Walking Dead."

Hair Nation

This is where we take pictures of others and put Joe Andrew or Becky's face on it. This week the guys made Joe into a Walking Dead zombie when the President of AMC came on the show. (video)

Armchair Analysts

This is your chance to play Wall Street Analyst and predict whether a company's earnings report will meet, miss or beat the "Official Wall Street" expectations. (Yes, just like a hit Hollywood movie franchise, our witty Squawk Box production team is already working on the sequels; aptly named "Armchair Economists" and the final installment in the epic trilogy "Armchair CEOs.")

But right now "Armchair Analysts" is still enjoying its run at the box-office. Tallies this week included, Apple beating estimates on Tuesday night and 36 percent of our would-be analysts predicted it, which was higher than the people who predicted a miss or a meet.

Disrupting Andrew's Future

Andrew is our resident Disruptor expert (basically he's the only one of our three anchors who can download an app without calling IT.) Check out his interview with Google Executive Chairman Eric Schmidt about "The New Digital Age" and how things will be different "In the Year 2000." (story)

Just Follow "Them" Already

They say they don't care about Twtter followers, but don't believe 'em. Just follow @beckyquickcnbc, @andrewrsorkin, @joesquawk, and @squawkcnbc would ya so we don't have to hear it from them that we don't promote their twitter handles enough.

(P.S. Ok!! Ok!! I admit it! I care too! Desperately, (so ashamed!) I'm at @matthew_quayle)

Data Preview

  • Monday 8:30 a.m. ET: Personal Income & Spending (MAR)
  • Tuesday 8:30 a.m. ET: Employment Costs Index (Q1)
  • Wednesday 8:15 a.m. ET: ADP Employment Change (APR)
  • Thursday 8:30 a.m. ET: Jobless Claims (week ending 4/27), Productivity (Q1), Trade Balance (MAR)
  • Friday 8:30 a.m. ET: Employment Report (APR)

Cramer Clip

Squawk Master Jim Cramer just finds ways to sniff out news wherever he may be—even if he is not on air because his flight is delayed on the runway because of the sequestration. (video)

Regrets

Not fixing my sinuses and breathing problems when I was 12.

The "Corny-Sappy Motivational Business-Based Inspirational Quote" for the weekend

"You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong." — Warren Buffett

Last Line

Apple! Apple! Apple!

I actually didn't have anything to say as a last line and in business news these days, when you can't come up with an idea in a news planning meeting, just scream "Apple!" and everybody sits up and nods in agreement. "Good story, Good story!"

Looking Forward to the Weekend Because…

I'll be able to breathe again!

By CNBC's Matthew Quayle. Follow him on Twitter @ matthew_quayle

*Joe's Jumble Bonus Word Answer: AWDBGIN "Windbag"

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