Mother's Day, Fuhgeddaboudit!
Call me cynical and cold-hearted (well, duh), but Mother's Day is one of those contrived holidays that the greeting card, flower, and chocolate industries have come up with because they can't live on Valentine's Day profits alone.
That said, you'd better not forget about it, kids. Son, that means you in particular.
Oh, who am I kidding? You'll forget, and I wouldn't like your gift anyhow.
According to lifestyle site SousStyle.com, a survey by Harris Interactive found that one in five people have forgotten to get mom a Mother's Day card or gift in the past. "Men are even more likely to overlook the occasion, with nearly one in four failing to send something," they reported.
Maybe it doesn't matter. An earlier survey done by Harris Interactive showed that nearly one in three moms only pretends to like what you get her. Unfortunately, the survey did not measure how angry mom is if you don't get her anything at all, even if whatever lousy gift you got she'd only pretend to like. Moms are like that.
(Read More: We're Spending More on Mom This Year)
Why are we like that? Because we're tired all the time. Salary.com has come out with its annual "Mom Salary Survey" which tries to calculate what a mother's paycheck would look like if she was actually compensated for all the stuff she does for free raising a family.
As a working mother, the site suggests my extra pay (on top of my real pay from CNBC) would be around $67,000. However, this calculation fails to acknowledge that my husband did a fair amount of child rearing duties as the kids were growing up. Perhaps we can revisit this on the other contrived Hallmark holiday—Father's Day.
Now, don't get me wrong, we all love our moms, and I know my children love me.
At least we are quick to say so.
SousStyle.com says the Harris survey found nearly half of all married men phone their mothers-in-law on Mother's Day "unprompted by their spouse." Oh, reallllllly. Is that so? Also, 43 percent of U.S. adults who have a "mother figure" in their lives claim to communicate with her at least once a day, and 27 percent "are in touch with her a few times per day."
One in four American adults talks to mom more than once a day? Nearly half speak to her every day? I email my mother every day to check in because she's 87 years old and I want to make sure everything is, you know, ok. But my kids? I hear from them, on average, once a week. When I call them. Thank goodness for Facebook (#stalking).
So here's my plan. This Sunday I will honor my own mother, and I will not get worked up about whether or not my children honor me. It turns out they'd probably rather wish a complete stranger a Happy Mother's Day. The Harris survey says, "Respondents selected Michelle Obama as the celebrity they'd most like to wish a happy Mother's Day via video chat." Oh reallllly? Well, two can play at that game. Sasha and Malia, I'm counting on a card.
—By CNBC's Jane Wells. Follow her on Twitter: @janewells.