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What Americans could learn from royal baby names

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge talks with Chief Scout Bear Grylls (2nd L) and Sea Scout Rob Butcher (2nd R) as she attends the National Review of Queen's Scouts at Windsor Castle on April 21, 2013.
Olivia Harris | WPA Pool | Getty Images
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge talks with Chief Scout Bear Grylls (2nd L) and Sea Scout Rob Butcher (2nd R) as she attends the National Review of Queen's Scouts at Windsor Castle on April 21, 2013.

What if Prince William and Kate Middleton were, well, normal people? What if they had a mortgage to cover, smartphone bills to pay, car insurance?

In other words, what if they were your average American (or British) couple preparing for their first baby? What might they name it? Most likely not Elizabeth Victoria Diana Windsor or Charles Philip Henry XIII.

No, if they were your typical couple, they might chose a name you'd see at a Des Moines high school volleyball tourney.

Like...MacKenzie Brianna Windsor.

Or Jax Dakota Windsor.

Katniss Hermione Windsor.

Brandon Schuyler Windsor.

Michaela Cash Windsor.

Trevor RayRay Windsor.


Or a series of names starting with "K"—Kyle Kevin Windsor or Kaylie Khloe Windsor.

Which makes me wonder what's happened to regular old names. Sure, I'm named Jane—and you don't get more regular than that. Nobody names their kid Jane anymore. At least I don't have to spell it for people!

Why this cultural insistence on creating new names with new spellings? Do people realize that for the rest of their children's lives, they are going to have to spell their names when making reservations? "That's MacKinzeigh—M-A-C-K-I-N-Z-E-I-G-H."

Celebrities take it even further, trying to be clever (news flash: you're not!). Imagine the new royal baby being named South East Windsor.

As for the baby's real name, current betting has Alexandra in the lead for a girl, with James and George for a boy. Excellent.

In the meantime, I'm making myself laugh coming up with ridiculous names (Double Knot Windsor—get it? Don't forget to try the veal!). Someone on Twitter suggested "Prince Albert in a Can." The only name less likely to be used—Camilla.

—By CNBC's Jane Wells; Follow her on Twitter: @janewells

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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