Happy Monday. Submitted for your approval...the downest and dirtiest reads to get the week started:
This young week's weirdest economic analysis comes courtesy of the Bundesbank, which says that women aren't as good at identifying inflation as men. Listen, don't shoot the messenger. OK, really, stop screaming...
If you've got an extra billion dollars lying around, you can own the building that boasts the largest gold vault in the world. That structure also happens to be one the coolest skyscrapers in Manhattan and, coincidentally, houses lots and lots of JPMorgan Chase employees.
Speaking of...can the news get any worse for JPM? The bank is apparently under investigation for allegedly hiring the children of prominent Chinese officials in order to win business there, according to DealBook. Pity poor Jamie Dimon.
That line rising from the lower left to the upper right was last week's fear gauge, aka theCBOE Volatility Index, which may or may not be the best measure of market skittishness, depending on your time frame. The folks who bring you the VIX each day point out, interestingly enough, that an antonym for taper is "balloon."
Say what you want about George Soros (and we encourage you to really say what you want): He took a strongly bearish position on the S&P 500, and it will be fun to see whether he knew what he was doing.
—By CNBC's Jeff Cox. Follow him
@JeffCoxCNBCcom on Twitter.