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Drink up, Wall Street! Time for a JPMor-garita

Thursday, 21 Nov 2013 | 11:03 AM ET
Jacom Stephens | E+ | Getty Images

It's been quite a year on Wall Street. New record highs, new record fines. Regardless, with the holidays approaching, we could all use a drink.

Once again, the folks at Wall Street consulting and PR firm Cognito has come up with their Financial Holiday Cocktail Menu. So what's on the menu? This year's treats include:

  • Mary Jo White Russian: A stiff prescription, feminine but also aggressive—serve with a dash of Triple SEC. (I say it must also come completely unadorned. No twists, olives or umbrellas.)

  • SAC Breeze: Don't settle for anything less.This mix of vodka, cranberry and grapefruit is delicious but could cost you $1.2 billion. (How about the JPMore-garita? It costs $13 billion and leaves top executives fresh without a hangover!)

  • The Smashtag: I.P.Oh so delicious. A potential volatile blend of 140 flavors—and a public favorite! (Serve for friends who, like Twitter, aren't profitable.)

  • The Debt Peeling: Laden with orange peels, this take on the Manhattan is guaranteed to raise the Roof but could bring down the House! (A nonalcoholic version is called the Ted Cruz.)

  • "Obamacared" for an additional treat: Just add Healthcare.gov to any order, and it comes on the rocks.

Wine Spectator's Number 1 wine of 2013
A fifth-generation winery in the Rioja region of Spain just hit it big on Friday. Wine Spectator executive editor Thomas Matthews unveiled Cune Rioja Imperial Gran Reserva 2004 as the magazines No. 1 wine of 2013 on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange.

An excellent start! But folks on Twitter—perhaps drinking a #Smashtag—added a few ideas of their own.

(Read more: Beer in baggage claim tops off airport revenues)

  • The Tesla: A shot of fireball. (@willmeltron)

  • The Goldman Sach-e-bomb: You close your eyes, take a shot, and wake up next to Warren Buffett. (@CraigScott31)

  • The Obama Mind Eraser: A very strong drink which allows you to forget what you said. (@cmjones0207)

  • The Dirty Corzine: From various neighbors' liquor cabinets, get vodka, dry vermouth, and olive juice. Shake and serve with two subpoenas. (@LanceRancid)

  • The Bank Bail-out-Bomb: A drink which costs a trillion dollars, and you wake up broke, buck naked, and out of a job. (@106HDBadBoy)

(Read more: Whisky & wine may not be such liquid assets)

We received a slew of suggestions related to "the taper," which, unfortunately, has become a perennial favorite, because the anticipation of tapering has become, well, perennial.

  • The Taperhina: Takes forever to be served & keeps threatening to drop you on your a**, but you can magically just keep drinking.(@MBGBeth)

  • The Taper Twister: You drink and start buying rounds for the bar, round after round. (@garygi)

Ghirs Gramly | E+ | Getty Images

  • Each drink is supposed to have less and less alcohol, but the bartender never gets around to doing that, so keep drinking! (@j2lovesfriday)

@j2lovesfriday was actually on a roll coming up with suggested cocktails. Here are a few more of his tasty concoctions:

  • Too Big to Jail: Goldschlager, gold tequila, other top shelf liquors paid w/ public TARP $. Any exec who drinks never faces jail.

  • The QE drink: no one knows what's in it and it's supposed to be stimulating, but we keep drinking it without feeling anything.

  • The Bitcoin drink: made with moonshine and other unregulated/illegal ingredients from secret computer recipe, expect to overpay.

Finally, cheer up. For those still feeling a little skittish in this economy despite a bull market, brace yourself this holiday with "The Chicken Stock" from @ChrisAnkney. "A strong drink to give you the courage to make risky trades. Doubles as a remedy the next morning!"

—By CNBC's Jane Wells; Follow her on Twitter: @janewells

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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