Nothing is more joyous than a newborn. A new life restores faith in ourselves, in God, in the future. Babies mean hope.
Lately, however, they're creeping me out.
There's a new movie called "The Devil's Due," about a woman who gives birth to Satan's spawn. Yes, apparently "Rosemary's Baby" and "The Omen" needed a makeover for the Facebook generation.
To promote the film, a hidden camera crew punked people on the streets of New York with a decoy baby in a stroller. As strangers walk by and glance at the child, the animatronic newborn, who looks a bit like "Chuckie," sits straight up and starts screaming like a banshee. Passersby jump out of their skin. Not even New Yorkers are tough enough to handle this.
It's hilarious, unless you die of a heart attack.
If that's not scary enough, here's a baby shower gift idea sure to make you double down on birth control.
There's a company that will take the ultrasound pictures of your as-yet-unborn baby and turn them into a 3-D model of the fetus.
3D-babies.com is using a 3-D printer to churn out fetus figurines in sizes ranging from 2 to 8 inches. Buyers can choose skin tone, fetal position, and decide whether or not junior's private parts should be seen. They cost as much as $600. Buy one for yourself, and buy extras for the grandparents!
But that's not all! The company can take photos of your child after he or she is born and turn them into a lifelike 3-D figurine. Nevermind that you already have the real child in 3-D.
I suppose someone might want to buy one as a memento, the way you bronze a baby's shoes, but after seeing "The Devil's Due," aren't you afraid that doll is going to show up in your bedroom one night carrying a knife and demanding revenge for feeding him gluten-free organic mashed peas when all he wanted was a couple of french fries?
And that's not all. Oh, no. You see, even if you don't actually have a bun in the oven, or out of the oven, 3D Babies will sell you the likeness of ... someone else's baby. A celebrity, to be specific. It is currently selling figurines of North West, daughter of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, for $250.
The fact that someone other than Kimye might buy one is the scariest idea of all.
—By CNBC's Jane Wells; Follow her on Twitter