In order to build a healthy relationship with money, there are some attitudes I am going to ask you to cast off—forever. First among them are two of the heaviest weights women carry, invisible twin obstacles of our past: the burden of shame and the tendency to blame.

You don’t feel confident in your knowledge of how money works, so you hide behind the shame of it, deferring decisions to others or staying stuck in a pattern of inaction. You wrap yourself in the cloak of shame rather than reveal your shortcomings—you, after all, are a doer! You have to be all things to all people—mother, wife, dutiful daughter, supportive friend, school volunteer, cheerleader at home and at work. No room to betray uncertainty in that picture! No time to learn anyway— who has the time?! You’re so busy. And besides, you tell yourself, I probably should have learned that ages ago. When did everybody else learn this and not you? Hmm, maybe you were absent that day. . . . At this point, it’s simply too embarrassing to reveal the depths of what you do not know.

And where the mantle of shame stops, the tendency to blame kicks in. It’s not my fault! you tell me. (a) Society (b) My parents (c) My husband/ex-husband (d) All of the above . . . held me back! Where were the role models? No one taught me, no one showed me how, money decisions were always made for me. Now, I’m not
belittling these factors or making fun of you. There’s a lot of legitimacy in these complaints. Long-standing traditions in society and in the home have not made it easy for women to get the financial education they need to become competent, informed participants in their own affairs. Even today, no one is going to hand it to you—you have to go get it for yourself. It amazes me that a person can go through twelve years of school, four years of college, and then on to graduate study, and nowhere along the way were they required to take a single class on personal finance.

But let me ask you this:Where does blame get you? The answer is nowhere. Blame renders you powerless. You must get past blame to become who you are meant to be. And what does shame do to you? Shame only serves to hold you back. This book is about facing forward, not staying stuck in the past. It is fine to understand how we got here, but the next breath must contain a resolve to move ahead into a future that looks entirely different, into a destiny that is all yours. I want you to use your past to propel you into your future, rather than keep you in the dark of what no longer exists.

Easy for you to say, Suze. Is that what you’re thinking? Are you wondering how I could possibly know about your situation? After all, I’m rich! I have everything I need, everything I want. You’re right—I’m rich. But that was not always the case. Do you think I was raised in a family that had money and paid for a fabulous education? Did you think I had an MBA from some fancy business school? Nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe you think I married money. Not true—in fact, I never got married (which is probably why I have money today!). Let me tell you where I came from and how I got here—so you will understand that there is no excuse, no amount of shame or blame, that can hold you back and keep you from becoming all you are meant to be and having all that you deserve.