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Funny Business with Jane Wells

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  Wednesday, 29 Aug 2007 | 9:49 AM ET

Weight Loss: It's Location, Location, Location?

Posted By: Jane Wells
Wanna lose weight? Buy a bigger house. Researchers at the University of Washington found that for every $100,000 more a house is worth, the homeowners are 2% less likely to be obese. So wealth=trim, poor=fat. Wealth=ability to afford the gym and time to care about looking good; poor=just trying to get through the day and eating lots of prepackaged mac n' cheese. This is news? »Read more
  Tuesday, 28 Aug 2007 | 8:13 AM ET

Mortgage Song Parodies: The Day The Loan Died

Posted By: Jane Wells
People, you need to start recording these on video and sending them to me...forget YouTube. Mortgage advisor Andrea S. says this song parody of Don McLean's "American Pie" came from a branch manager at a very, very big mortgage lender you may have heard of which is having trouble lately: »Read more
  Monday, 27 Aug 2007 | 4:49 PM ET

Females Like Pink Because They Picked Red Fruit?!

Posted By: Jane Wells
Girls like pink more than boys. Now, I know this totally blows away all your preconceived notions about gender and color. Oh wait. A visual neuroscientist, Dr. Anya Hurlbert, has determined that women do, in fact, like pink more than men. Actually, females like all reddish tones more than males. Why? We don't know why. But Dr. Hurlbert suggests in Current Biology that is goes back millions of years. »Read more
  Monday, 27 Aug 2007 | 3:58 PM ET

Jockey's Wedgie Proof Brief And The Butt Cam

Posted By: Jane Wells
Jockey has decided that to sell underwear, it needs to tell you how uncomfortable underwear makes you. Follow me here. Actually, don't follow me here because I've got nowhere to go with this one. At www.stopsquirming.com, the brief-maker tries the hot-hot-hot concept of "viral marketing" by showing how people react to wedgies created by "inferior undergarments." »Read more
  Monday, 27 Aug 2007 | 12:19 PM ET

'Imagine' No Subprime: The World Will Live As One?

Posted By: Jane Wells
Today I'm uncovering the truth about home prices. Yes, the truth! We went to an auction this weekend in Ontario, California, where a NEW Beazer home was on the foreclosure block (I guess the original buyer's lending fell through). In a neighborhood where other new, or nearly new, homes are on sale for $420k, this home's opening bid was...$209,000. »Read more
  Friday, 24 Aug 2007 | 12:09 PM ET

Real Estate Crisis? Doesn't Matter (Too Much) In Vail

Posted By: Jane Wells
I'm in Vail, Colorado, which is in the midst of a massive, $2 billion make-over to try to make it a year-round destination. Cranes and construction are everywhere. Aspen seems to get most of the summer tourist business, and Vail wants a piece of it. The two towns have about as much affection for each other as the Crips and Bloods. »Read more
  Wednesday, 22 Aug 2007 | 10:47 AM ET

Florence Henderson Back in Oil Business (Canola That Is)

Posted By: Jane Wells
Wesson Oil has re-hired Florence Henderson as spokeswoman. The company is supposed to post some of her old commercials on their ConAgra Web site, but I couldn’t find them. What I did find is Henderson’s “tips for cooking with canola oil” (yes, I truly believe these tips came straight from Flo’s kitchen and were not made up by marketing people… no, really, I believe that): »Read more
  Wednesday, 22 Aug 2007 | 8:34 AM ET

Best Restroom  Of The Year Or Just Some Toilet Humor?

Posted By: Jane Wells
Here's an award worth winning! Cintas, which provides bathroom supplies, announced the winner of this year’s “best restroom” contest. The award goes to Jungle Jim’s International Market, a grocery store outside Cincinnati. Get this. The bathroom entrances appear to be portable toilets. But once inside, they all lead to a jungle themed restroom with flowers... »Read more
  Tuesday, 21 Aug 2007 | 1:56 PM ET

My Perfect Screen Saver? And Everyone Sing Fake Jane!

Posted By: Jane Wells
First off, check out this freeze frame of me and the banner underneath. One person has threatened to make this his screen saver! FAKE JANE'S SONG PARODY: to the chorus of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone." »Read more
  Tuesday, 21 Aug 2007 | 11:31 AM ET

Mortgage Crunch Blues: More Song Parodies To Sing By

Posted By: Jane Wells
Here are more song parodies (see my previous post) to try to bring a smile to those of you upside down in your mortgage (or upside down in your Capital One and Countrywide stock): From a Colorado mortgage company grunt, the appropriately named Rocky M (talk about smiling through the pain), called 'Green Tree Beret" and sung to the "Green Beret" theme: »Read more

About Funny Business with Jane Wells

  • If it was up to Jane Wells, she’d spend her entire day combing Mother Earth for stories and observations just for this blog. She has more fun writing Funny Business than anything else she does... professionally, that is. Funny business is whatever Jane considers hilarious, strange, fishy, or ridiculous, which pretty much covers everything on Wall Street. It is her hope this blog makes you smile, even when the news is grim. After all, it's only money.

 

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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