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Funny Business with Jane Wells

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  Monday, 21 May 2007 | 10:39 AM ET

Bugged Out Readers

Posted By: Jane Wells
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's a whisper campaign to replace Melvin the stock-picking monkey, who wants a new contract beyond the salary cap."- Judy B., Oklahoma"Of course fruit flys have free will!!!! - in fact, every morning I print out charts of active stocks and smear a little banana on the top of each page - I then open my fruit fly cage (where I keep my pet flies) and see which chart attracks the most flies - I then place my trade and watch the stock soar!!! Now if this doesn't beneift humanity, I don't know what does." - Granny »Read more
  Friday, 18 May 2007 | 1:16 AM ET

Best Waste, Feminine Colons & Wacky World

Posted By: Jane Wells
Someone please email me at funnybusiness@cnbc.com to explain how the following research can benefit humankind. I will post interesting replies, and the reader with the best explanation will win a CNBC cap (I know I have one around here somewhere).A group of researchers has determined that fruit flies have free will. It's comforting to know, I guess. How did the scientists figure this out? They put the flies in a uniformly-white environment, and then tethered their legs and watched them move. »Read more
  Wednesday, 16 May 2007 | 11:33 AM ET

Breaking Up, Dog Eat Dog World & Another Survey

Posted By: Jane Wells
A company called YouMail lets you create specific voicemail messages for specific incoming callers, like a professional message when your boss calls, or a warm and fuzzy voicemail message when mom calls. Now it’s put a wicked twist on the idea, called Ditchmail. Originally intended to block telemarketers, Gen X,Y,Z-ers (is there a Z yet?) are using the service to dump bad dates. »Read more
  Wednesday, 16 May 2007 | 11:06 AM ET

Breaking Up Is Not So Hard To Do

Posted By: Jane Wells
A company called YouMail lets you create specific voicemail messages for specific incoming callers, like a professional message when your boss calls, or a warm and fuzzy voicemail message when mom calls. Now it’s put a wicked twist on the idea, called Ditchmail. Originally intended to block telemarketers, Gen X,Y,Z-ers (is there a Z yet?) are using the service to dump bad dates. »Read more
  Tuesday, 15 May 2007 | 9:35 AM ET

Outsourcing The News On A "New" Level

Posted By: Jane Wells
Update on what may be the dumbest outsourcing idea yet that I actually love. Last week the Associated Press reported that a daily news website in Pasadena, California, has hired two reporters based in India to cover LOCAL NEWS. The reason: since things like city council meetings are streamed online, who really needs to be there? »Read more
  Monday, 14 May 2007 | 9:09 AM ET

Japanese Wigs, Best of the Fast, Travel "Dealing," & YouTubeMercials

Posted By: Jane Wells
The world's largest wigmaker, Aderans, is in Japan. But now the rug is being pulled out from under the domestic toupee market, as more Japanese men reportedly "bare all" up top. Aderans is so afraid of a hostile takeover it's seeking a sort of "poison pill" defense, an effort being fought by its largest shareholder, American investment fund Steel Partners. Steel Partners says the plan isn't good for growth, and a hairy shareholder vote is looming. »Read more
  Friday, 11 May 2007 | 12:03 AM ET

Pirated Pirates, the Business of Dating & Cards That Say it All

Posted By: Jane Wells
Disney reports that it continues to support the struggling Hong Kong Disneyland. Well, now we may know one reason why it's struggling. Just as every Disney movie going back to "Steamboat Willie" probably has been pirated in China, China now has a state-owned amusement park that recently included a mouse character, a woman with black hair surrounded by seven... elves... and pirate music. Not pirated music (well, maybe it was), but pirate music. »Read more
  Thursday, 10 May 2007 | 9:47 AM ET

Zill Bill, Ad Space & Doggy Doo Too

Posted By: Jane Wells
According to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Bill Gates confessed to searching for the estimated value of his 50,000-square-foot mansion on Zillow.com. Gates generally likes the online real estate site, which launched with the help of some former Microsoft execs. But he says Zillow's "algorithms for figuring out prices don't scale very well to the low end or the very high end." »Read more
  Tuesday, 8 May 2007 | 7:42 PM ET

Grumpy Calling, Hammer Time, Invisible Aliens & Diddy's Delight

Posted By: Jane Wells
Tuesday after the bell, I reported Disney earnings. I started my report by saying the company "hit it out of the park" on earnings, beating the street by six cents. I then said revenues missed a bit, while still growing. »Read more
  Monday, 7 May 2007 | 5:10 PM ET

Greed, Bootie Beer, the Big D, Doggie Depression and -- urgh -- Brad Pitt

Posted By: Jane Wells
Fox tells us it's developing a sequel to "Wall Street," and published reports say Michael Douglas will reprise his role as the villainous Gordon Gekko. The first movie didn't do that well at the box office back in 1987 ($48 million worldwide), but the REAL Wall Street loved it. Traders still quote dialogue: "If you need a friend, get a dog." »Read more

About Funny Business with Jane Wells

  • If it was up to Jane Wells, she’d spend her entire day combing Mother Earth for stories and observations just for this blog. She has more fun writing Funny Business than anything else she does... professionally, that is. Funny business is whatever Jane considers hilarious, strange, fishy, or ridiculous, which pretty much covers everything on Wall Street. It is her hope this blog makes you smile, even when the news is grim. After all, it's only money.

 

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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