Funny Business with Jane Wells


  Thursday, 14 Jun 2007 | 10:21 AM ET

The Marty Ingel's Memo: His Rebuttal To Me

Posted By: Jane Wells
On Friday I poked some fun at Shirley Jones for sending out a press release when Florence Henderson reportedly called her a nasty name. Well, I got an earful on the phone from Jones’ husband, comedian Marty Ingels, who wanted to know if I’d be willing to print a rebuttal. I said, “Absolutely! Every word!” Oops! Last night in the ol’ email inbox I got a four-page scanned hand-written letter from Ingels. Here it is, the whole thing... »Read more
  Wednesday, 13 Jun 2007 | 2:42 PM ET

Diary of a CTO, Bob Barker, And Talk Like Obama

Posted By: Jane Wells
CIO.com is an online resource for Chief Information Officers, you know, the head IT guys. And whether they live here or in India, they share a common fate: doomed to a maze of pipelines, processes, and Bluetooth earphones. The site recently did a survey over which wireless devices create the most "buzz" around speakers (BlackBerry Pearl is the buzziest). But my favorite recent column (yes, it's true, I occasionally read something called CIO.com) is titled "Dairy of a Tired CTO." »Read more
  Monday, 11 Jun 2007 | 10:38 AM ET

The Happiest Live Shot On Earth

Posted By: Jane Wells
'm a cynical person. But it's hard to be cynical at Disneyland. Today I covered the relaunching of the famed submarine ride after nine years, now rechristened the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage. I first went on this ride when I was a preschooler, so I went in knowing I would be nostalgic, but I had to keep up my journalistic guard! Still, I've gotta hand it to the Disneyland folks. They don't miss a beat. »Read more
  Friday, 8 Jun 2007 | 8:38 AM ET

PC Vs. Mac "Wins" And Have You Been Scammed?

Posted By: Jane Wells
“PC versus Mac” ads
“PC versus Mac” ads

The “PC versus Mac” ads are THE BEST. And they have now been recognized as such, given the top prize at the 41st Annual Belding Awards, a Tinseltown nod to the marketing industry. The ads were created by TBWA/Media Arts Lab, based in Los Angeles.

Ellen Gray of the Philadelphia Daily News wonders if the Geico Cavemen can get their own TV show, why not Mac and PC? Apple could underwrite the whole show! Except, of course, people like me love PC more than Mac. PC actually makes me want to go out and buy a PC.

Gray writes that the show is the 21st Century version of “The Odd Couple,” with PC as “Felix,” and Mac as “Oscar.” Here’s her idea, and it ain’t bad:

‘Pitch: After Silicon Valley hits another downturn, the rivals are forced to become roomies.

Hook: While Mac lives the iLife, PC’s nostalgic for the good old days of Windows 98.

Pilot: When a beautiful woman moves in next door, the boys vie to offer support for her operating system - only to discover that she's running (gasp) Linux.”

When you’re Paris Hilton, every move you make is headline news. Really. Paris inhales, it’s on TMZ.com. Paris exhales, they’ve got it on CNN. Look, I’ll admit when I see her on the tube, I look up.

On the other hand, when you’re Florence Henderson and Shirley Jones, it’s a little harder to get pub, you know? So in a marketing move that’s straight out of Planet Desperate, I caught the following on the PR newswire: “Shirley Jones Responds to B---- Remark from Florence Henderson.” Except it didn’t have dashes after the “B.” A smackdown between the Partridge and Brady Bunch moms? Apparently Flo called Shirl the “b” word in an interview. Turns out Henderson really wanted to star in “Oklahoma,” about a hundred years ago (a figure referenced, literally, below) except “that b---- Shirley Jones got it.” Here’s the article.

»Read more
  Thursday, 7 Jun 2007 | 8:54 AM ET

Judge Dredd-Ful And His "Reduced" $67M Pants!

Posted By: Jane Wells
Good news! A guy suing a Washington, DC area dry cleaner for $67 million over a pair of pants gone missing two years ago has reduced his damages demand to only $54 million! The guy is a judge. A JUDGE! Administration law judge Roy Pearson is suing under the local Consumer Protection Act (that must be some act), claiming signs posted inside Custom Cleaners were fraudulent by promising "Satisfaction Guaranteed." Pearson wants $54 million to make it right. Talk about being taken to the cleaners. »Read more
  Monday, 4 Jun 2007 | 3:59 PM ET

Dell "Dude" Taking A Bite Of The Apple?

Posted By: Jane Wells
Remember Ben Curtis? He's the actor who played Steven, the "Dell Dude," the only memorable Dell ad campaign ever. Curtis was eventually phased out--he wanted to move on, and there was also the little matter of getting arrested for trying to buy marijuana. Since then, Curtis has done a little of this, a little of that. He was hired to promote Gameznflix, an online game and DVD rental company. »Read more
  Friday, 1 Jun 2007 | 10:39 AM ET

Google Co-Founder Caught "Off Guard"

Posted By: Jane Wells
So here's what you don't see on TV. I covered the first ever web developer conference held by Google, a "coming of age" rite for a company that, well, came of age a while ago. No top executives were supposed to be there. They were all supposed to be at the D5 tech conference near San Diego. So you can imagine my shock when, as I ignorantly sat on my journalistic butt, producer Christine Egy ran up and said, "Sergey Brin just walked in!" »Read more
  Wednesday, 30 May 2007 | 11:18 AM ET

Princess of the Cubes, No eBay Love, Fruit Fly Contest Winner

Posted By: Jane Wells
A San Francisco-based author/career counselor is using the fairytale princesses in "Shrek the Third" to hawk a book called "Make the Right Career Move." Okay, it's a stretch, but the nuggets in the release are fun. Using the princess theme, author Rachelle Canter commissioned a survey of office workers on how many people work with "princesses." »Read more
  Tuesday, 29 May 2007 | 11:30 AM ET

Breast Charity, Not-so-Hot Domains, Hide-the-Burrito, Hearty Beer & More

Posted By: Jane Wells
The Burlesque Hall of Fame is teaming up with Keep A Breast Foundation to raise awareness about breast cancer. Well, one can see how this is, as the burlesque organization says, "a match made in heaven."Now, to raise awareness, the Hall of Fame next month reportedly will host an art exhibit and auction featuring plaster breast molds of "legendary burlesque, pin-up and cheesecake queens." The museums founder, it turns out, died of the disease in 1991. Her name, Jennie Lee, was known as "The Bazoom Girl." »Read more
  Wednesday, 23 May 2007 | 10:24 AM ET

Mid-week Mania

Posted By: Jane Wells
I am told by a very good source that Wal-Mart's headquarters in Bentonville has no test kitchen. The company that sells everything, including the kitchen sink... has none. A vendor coming to demo food at the world's largest retailer of food has "to cook in the Sam's Club employee lunch room, then wheel it over next door to Wal-Mart to present it." »Read more

About Funny Business with Jane Wells

  • If it was up to Jane Wells, she’d spend her entire day combing Mother Earth for stories and observations just for this blog. She has more fun writing Funny Business than anything else she does... professionally, that is. Funny business is whatever Jane considers hilarious, strange, fishy, or ridiculous, which pretty much covers everything on Wall Street. It is her hope this blog makes you smile, even when the news is grim. After all, it's only money.


  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.