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Funny Business with Jane Wells

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  Tuesday, 10 Dec 2013 | 10:25 AM ET

The next big sex drug? Clinical trials start soon

Posted By: Jane Wells
New drug for men too quick on the draw
CNBC's Jane Wells looks at Promescent, a new drug for men that treats premature ejaculation.

An over-the-counter, FDA-approved treatment for "PE"—that's premature ejaculation, for those who aren't up to date on their pharmaceutical acronyms—is beginning clinical trials this month at Kaiser in Southern California.

At the same time, the company behind it has released a very funny commercial starring "Peter," a man who always seems to finish everything early.

»Read more
  Monday, 9 Dec 2013 | 5:13 PM ET

No cuddling, please. We're Wisconsinites

Posted By: Jane Wells
The Snuggle House website
Source: The Snuggle House
The Snuggle House website

It may be cold in the Upper Midwest, but folks in Madison, Wis., don't feel like cuddling. The Snuggle House has closed its doors, according to its Facebook page.

The business, owned by former health supplements salesman Matthew Hurtado, was only three weeks old. The entire enterprise had a hard time getting off the ground. Its planned opening in October was delayed a month as city officials tried to get their arms around the idea. Some locals were reportedly concerned the business could be a front for prostitution.

During the delay, The Snuggle House put up a website offering "therapeutic cuddling" for $60 an hour.

(Read more: Worst layover ever: Man gets locked inside plane)

It profiled its staff, including one man, Lonnie, a long-maned former camp counselor. Here's his video. "He had 300 to 400 applications before they opened," said Hurtado's attorney, Timothy Casper.

Finally, an occupancy permit was granted, and local Councilman Mike Verveer said he received no complaints. The sudden closing surprised him. "My guess would probably be that they just didn't have the business that they anticipated," he said.

(Read more: Chart of the Day: The soaring income gap)

»Read more
  Wednesday, 4 Dec 2013 | 10:58 AM ET

BitTorrent: Not just for Internet pirates anymore

Posted By: Jane Wells
Moby
Luis Ortiz | LatinContinent | Getty Images
Moby

BitTorrent has long been one of the most popular ways to move large files like movies over the Internet quickly, with more than 170 million users. The problem is more than a few of those users have been using the free and open platform to share pirated content.

"The reason they use it to move around illegally traded movies is because it's the best way to move larges files, not because BitTorrent's got any relationship with piracy," said Matt Mason, the company's head of marketing. He added the company has never been sued.

"BitTorrent is like the MP3—it's a new disruptive technology. If you remember 10 years ago, lots of people thought the MP3 was something for piracy," Mason said. "Now today, we know that it's a really fantastic technology that lots of industries, including the music business, have gotten a lot of benefit from."

As you can tell from the above statement, BitTorrent has embarked on an image makeover. "Facebook uses BitTorrent to update Facebook. Twitter uses BitTorrent to make internal code updates to Twitter, same thing with Wikipedia, Etsy," said Mason. Clients also include the Large Hadron Collider and the Human Genome Project.

The company began a PR offensive this fall with a series of mysterious billboards in major cities. The campaign tapped into concerns about privacy. "Your data should belong to the NSA," read one billboard. Later the billboard changed to, "Your data should belong to you." While a few critics have mocked the campaign as hypocritical, Mason said more than 90 percent of the social media mentions were positive. "It showed us that in this post-NSA world that we live in, people are worried about servers," Mason said.

And what company relies on servers to transfer content? Netflix, for one. Netflix may be the real target of BitTorrent's new campaign, as the two companies have been trading jabs over which one rules the Web.

(Read more: Latest Obamacare 'fix': Turn it over to porn guys)

»Read more
  Tuesday, 3 Dec 2013 | 5:45 PM ET

Archie Comics CEO at war with white men?

Posted By: Jane Wells
Nancy Silberkleit
Getty Images
Nancy Silberkleit

Veronica has lost her marbles, and Jughead isn't going to take it anymore.

That would make a great plot line for an Archie Comics, except some claim it's happening in real life at Archie headquarters in New York.

Far from Riverdale, the co-CEO of the iconic comic book company is being sued by employees for allegedly violating their human rights, according to the complaint. They claim discrimination based on gender, and in a twist, most of the victims are white men.

They allege that Archie Comics Co-CEO Nancy Silberkleit has engaged in "destructive, dangerous, and at times deranged behavior" and bullying them even as she promoted anti-bullying campaigns outside of work, according to the complaint.

In one example, they allege that Silberkleit walked into a business meeting, pointed to four men, "and referenced them as 'penis, penis, penis, penis' and then walked out."

Whoa.

The employees are suing for $25 million, plus $7.5 million "to fund a true anti-bullying campaign against bullies such as the Defendant who falsely claims to support anti-bullying activities."

WHOA.

Silberkleit, whose late father-in-law helped create Archie Comics, is responding.

Her attorneys rebuff discrimination claims because "white males are not a member of a protected class" under the section of law being used. They claim the employees show no proof anyone lost his job because he's a white male. Instead, the suit "appears to be intended only to soil Silberkleit's name and image."

It certainly does that. The 29-page complaint is a better read than the classic "Archie Prom Pranks" from 1942. In the complaint, plaintiffs Mike, Victor, Debbie, Jim, Jonathan and David (hey, we're talking comic books so I'm sticking with first names) say problems with Nancy go back years.

It wasn't until she came on board as co-CEO after her husband's death in 2008, however, that they began to feel intimidated. They allege that Silberkleit wants to set herself up to be " 'Dictator' over Archie Comics, or in default of that, bring about the demise of this iconic publication in American culture."

Their claims, which go back decades, according to the complaint, include:

—Silberkleit stalked her future husband all the way to headquarters yelling, "Let me in you son of a b*tch, I'm pregnant and you better take responsibility."

—She sought to bring Hell's Angels to headquarters "in an effort to intimidate" employees, and eventually brought in an ex-NFL player.

—She became enraged after hearing the staff gave a cancer-stricken girl a Betty wig.

—She stalked employees "as we well as their families."

It goes on and on.

(Read more: Jerks on a plane: Elan vs. 'Diane' decoded)

»Read more
  Tuesday, 3 Dec 2013 | 11:08 AM ET

Jerks on a plane: Elan versus 'Diane' decoded

Posted By: Jane Wells
Twitter user 'Elan Gale'
Source: Elan Gale | Twitter
Twitter user 'Elan Gale'

The world is unfolding on Twitter. I'm not talking about political upheaval in Iran or Egypt or Ukraine.

I'm talking about really rude people at 35,000 feet—who don't exist.

People stopped this weekend—stopped eating, stopped shopping, just stopped—to stay abreast of some compelling incidents on Twitter, some of them trivial. Stopping to watch a real-time feed on a smartphone is the sort of thing you might expect in a dystopian science fiction novel by H.G. Wells or George Orwell. This is who we are now—people who read tweets by other people as they record the play-by-play of awkward encounters. We join in the conversation with praise or criticism.

Why do we do it? It's, well, fun. Social media is homegrown, collaborative, mostly commercial free, and highly entertaining. Just don't expect it to always be accurate.

Here are three incidents over the Thanksgiving weekend that illustrate my point.

»Read more
  Thursday, 28 Nov 2013 | 9:16 AM ET

Q&A: 'I'd rather ______ than shop on Thanksgiving'

Posted By: Jane Wells
Stan Honda | AFP | Getty Images

So Black Friday has become Thankshopping Thursday.

Bah humbug.

The National Retail Federation predicts 33 million people will shop on Thanksgiving, either in stores or online.

Who are you people?

I asked folks on Twitter, "Fill in the blank: 'I'd rather ______ than shop on Thanksgiving.'"


»Read more
  Monday, 25 Nov 2013 | 12:55 PM ET

Feeling blue? Try hiring a professional cuddler

Posted By: Jane Wells
Portland's professional 'cuddler'
Samantha Hess, a professional "cuddler," has more work than she can handle, reports CNBC's Jane Wells. Hess charges $60 an hour and forbids any "funny business."

Need a hug? Call Samantha Hess. She's a professional cuddler.

It's not what you think.

"There are so many people who need this service, but there's just not enough time to get to everybody," she told me.

»Read more
  Friday, 22 Nov 2013 | 1:24 PM ET

Latest Obamacare 'fix': Turn it over to porn guys

Posted By: Jane Wells
Peter Dazeley | Getty Images

The technological failures of Healthcare.gov highlight the lack of technological expertise in the federal government. All the best programmers go to Apple, Google or Facebook.

Or porn.

"My name is Corey Price, Vice President of adult entertainment website Pornhub.com," began a recent open letter to the White House. "On behalf of our company, I'd like to extend an offer to the Obama administration to help fix the U.S. health insurance exchange website." (By the way, I discovered Pornhub is NOT safe for work, unless you work for the Secret Service.)

And you thought the ACA rollout was already obscene.

(Read more: Day before launch, Obamacare site failed to handle 500 users)

But wait a minute. As Price points out, his website gets a lot of traffic. Like, tons. Legions of people are impatient to log on: "Pornhub.com believes its staff of talented engineers can help prepare the Obama administration to accommodate millions of concurrent users to avoid future 'tech surges.'"

Naturally, Pornhub's offer was rebuffed as the PR stunt it undoubtedly is.

"I think that would be pretty inappropriate and something we would not be interested in doing," Julie Bataille of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services told reporters, apparently with a straight face.

»Read more
  Thursday, 21 Nov 2013 | 11:03 AM ET

Drink up, Wall Street! Time for a JPMor-garita

Posted By: Jane Wells
Jacom Stephens | E+ | Getty Images

It's been quite a year on Wall Street. New record highs, new record fines. Regardless, with the holidays approaching, we could all use a drink.

Once again, the folks at Wall Street consulting and PR firm Cognito has come up with their Financial Holiday Cocktail Menu. So what's on the menu? This year's treats include:

  • Mary Jo White Russian: A stiff prescription, feminine but also aggressive—serve with a dash of Triple SEC. (I say it must also come completely unadorned. No twists, olives or umbrellas.)

  • SAC Breeze: Don't settle for anything less.This mix of vodka, cranberry and grapefruit is delicious but could cost you $1.2 billion. (How about the JPMore-garita? It costs $13 billion and leaves top executives fresh without a hangover!)

  • The Smashtag: I.P.Oh so delicious. A potential volatile blend of 140 flavors—and a public favorite! (Serve for friends who, like Twitter, aren't profitable.)

  • The Debt Peeling: Laden with orange peels, this take on the Manhattan is guaranteed to raise the Roof but could bring down the House! (A nonalcoholic version is called the Ted Cruz.)

  • "Obamacared" for an additional treat: Just add Healthcare.gov to any order, and it comes on the rocks.

»Read more
  Tuesday, 19 Nov 2013 | 11:09 AM ET

Game of Thrones: America's best restroom is...

Posted By: Jane Wells
Best restroom in America: The Varsity Theater in Minneapolis
Source: Jacki V Photography | CIntas
Best restroom in America: The Varsity Theater in Minneapolis

I consider myself something of an expert when it comes to public restrooms. First, I'm on the road all the time, so I visit many of them.

Second, I'm female. Women use public restrooms 3.7 times more than men do.

OK, I just made that up. But it's probably true.

Most public restrooms in the U.S. benefit from the same care and attention that went into HealthCare.gov. By contrast, I was in Japan recently, where many public restrooms combine a dizzying degree of complexity, cleanliness and efficiency. (Check out image below showing a toilet with several "options.")

»Read more

About Funny Business with Jane Wells

  • If it was up to Jane Wells, she’d spend her entire day combing Mother Earth for stories and observations just for this blog. She has more fun writing Funny Business than anything else she does... professionally, that is. Funny business is whatever Jane considers hilarious, strange, fishy, or ridiculous, which pretty much covers everything on Wall Street. It is her hope this blog makes you smile, even when the news is grim. After all, it's only money.

 

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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