Kmart isn't Wal-mart, and probably never will be. One is part of a parent company, which netted a nearly billion dollar loss last year, while the other netted $17 billion in profits.

That's one big gas difference.

So if you can't join 'em, beat 'em. At least with humor.

At first it appears to be just another YouTube workout video starring a well-toned, scantily clad female. She wants to convince viewers that they, too, can look like her with a few basic exercises, done in the comfort of their own homes.

In the funny business of creating a fitness enterprise in an online world, Charlie James has had some success. She even has her own YouTube channel.

But sometimes when you do something in your home, everyone gets a little too comfortable.

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In one of her videos, "Burnout Challenge - HiitLean #11," the sexy James is doing a Squat Front Raise. Guys, you'll be impressed.

You weren't seriously going to tweet your mother for Mother's Day, were you? Not even Twitter wants you to do that. "No, seriously. Call your mom."

Put. Down. The. Twitter.

A very funny "public service announcement" video on Twitter's blog expresses outrage at a guy on a couch who's sending his mom a Mother's Day message in 140 characters. He's typing, "Hey mom, happy mom's day, LOL!!! Miss you," when the narrator shouts, "No, stop! What the (expletive deleted) are you doing? Give your mom a call!"

Call me cynical and cold-hearted (well, duh), but Mother's Day is one of those contrived holidays that the greeting card, flower, and chocolate industries have come up with because they can't live on Valentine's Day profits alone.

That said, you'd better not forget about it, kids. Son, that means you in particular.

Oh, who am I kidding? You'll forget, and I wouldn't like your gift anyhow.

It's the beginning of May, when high school seniors have to put their money where their intentions are. Deposits are needed to confirm a spot in college this fall. What if you're not sure you'll have enough money to pay the full tuition bill?

Never fear, some creepy old man is here.

A while back, SeekingArrangements.com came out with the top schools for young coeds looking for older, richer men who might be willing to help out with college costs. SeekingArrangements specializes in matching so-called Sugar Daddies with Sugar Babies seeking "Mutually Beneficial Relationships® & Mutually Beneficial Arrangements™." (Yes, they've registered and trademarked those phrases.)

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The college with the most coeds signing up to the website was Georgia State. Nearly 300 (presumably) female students had opened accounts. Go Panthers! If you're lucky, you'll never be cougars!

Remember when going to the prom meant buying a dress at a 5-7-9 store for, like, $80, picking up some heels at Nine West, and renting a tux with a loose collar at Men's Wearhouse? Throw in a corsage and tickets, and the whole thing set you back maybe $250.

For that you ended up with a photo, which would both horrify and humor you years later and memories which are probably better than reality was.

Americans are clean freaks, at least many of those over the age of 17. Under 17 we are a completely different species.

Few things offend our senses more than a dirty public restroom. Never mind that in many parts of the world, a "public restroom" is a hole in the ground. In this country, many of us won't even set a hazmat-covered foot in a bathroom we feel unworthy, which is kind of funny considering what we plan to do there.

Has Tiger Woods been good for golf? "I don't think he's had any effect on the economics of golf."

That astounding sentiment comes from the always blunt Mark King, CEO of TaylorMade-Adidas Golf. The first day of the Masters has been good for TaylorMade—sponsored player Sergio Garcia ended the day in the lead with Dustin Johnson, also sponsored by TaylorMade, not far behind.

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Tiger Woods is coming into the Masters playing well again; he won the World Golf Championships in March. I asked King if Woods, even though he uses Nike clubs, helps the entire sport when he plays well.

Roger Yanagita had five minutes to make a pitch that could land him millions. "I hate dust," he said before a panel of three men. "I can't stand dust."

He pointed out that feather dusters merely spread dust around, which still makes him sneeze. What to do? "May I present the first ever Duster Vac!"

With that, the Los Angeles inventor fired up a vacuum cleaner with a feather duster attached. "Dust down the hose and out your nose!"

Yanagita was making his pitch at the Response Expo in San Diego, where inventors hoping to sell the next OxyClean or Pocket Fisherman meet with the infomercial marketers who can make that happen.

Think beef is expensive now? A cow just sold for a record $170,000 at auction in Syracuse, New York.

"That's more than the median home price in Central New York last month: $112,500," wrote Marnie Eisenstadt in the Syracuse Post-Standard.

Well, you can't milk a house.