Funny Business with Jane Wells

Friday, 10 May 2013 | 4:42 PM ET

Hey! Don't Tweet Your Mom on Mother's Day: Twitter

Posted By: Jane Wells

Source: Twitter

A still from a Twitter PSA encouraging you to get off the internet and call your mom this Mother's Day.

You weren't seriously going to tweet your mother for Mother's Day, were you? Not even Twitter wants you to do that. "No, seriously. Call your mom."

Put. Down. The. Twitter.

A very funny "public service announcement" video on Twitter's blog expresses outrage at a guy on a couch who's sending his mom a Mother's Day message in 140 characters. He's typing, "Hey mom, happy mom's day, LOL!!! Miss you," when the narrator shouts, "No, stop! What the (expletive deleted) are you doing? Give your mom a call!"

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Thursday, 9 May 2013 | 11:42 AM ET

Ready for Mother's Day? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Posted By: Jane Wells

Franckreporter | E+ | Getty Images

Call me cynical and cold-hearted (well, duh), but Mother's Day is one of those contrived holidays that the greeting card, flower, and chocolate industries have come up with because they can't live on Valentine's Day profits alone.

That said, you'd better not forget about it, kids. Son, that means you in particular.

Oh, who am I kidding? You'll forget, and I wouldn't like your gift anyhow.

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Thursday, 2 May 2013 | 7:23 AM ET

Can't Afford College? Let a Sugar Daddy Pay

Posted By: Jane Wells

Azul Images | Getty Images

It's the beginning of May, when high school seniors have to put their money where their intentions are. Deposits are needed to confirm a spot in college this fall. What if you're not sure you'll have enough money to pay the full tuition bill?

Never fear, some creepy old man is here.

A while back, SeekingArrangements.com came out with the top schools for young coeds looking for older, richer men who might be willing to help out with college costs. SeekingArrangements specializes in matching so-called Sugar Daddies with Sugar Babies seeking "Mutually Beneficial Relationships® & Mutually Beneficial Arrangements™." (Yes, they've registered and trademarked those phrases.)

The college with the most coeds signing up to the website was Georgia State. Nearly 300 (presumably) female students had opened accounts. Go Panthers! If you're lucky, you'll never be cougars!

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Wednesday, 24 Apr 2013 | 2:21 PM ET

Nearly Six Percent Inflation Where? At the Prom

Posted By: Jane Wells

Nancy Moran | Workbook Stock | Getty Images

Remember when going to the prom meant buying a dress at a 5-7-9 store for, like, $80, picking up some heels at Nine West, and renting a tux with a loose collar at Men's Wearhouse? Throw in a corsage and tickets, and the whole thing set you back maybe $250.

For that you ended up with a photo, which would both horrify and humor you years later and memories which are probably better than reality was.

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Monday, 15 Apr 2013 | 2:52 PM ET

Cleanliness Next to Godliness—In the Restroom

Posted By: Jane Wells

Source: Buc-ee's

Winner of Best Restroom in America 2012 winner goes to....Buc-ee’s!!!

Americans are clean freaks, at least many of those over the age of 17. Under 17 we are a completely different species.

Few things offend our senses more than a dirty public restroom. Never mind that in many parts of the world, a "public restroom" is a hole in the ground. In this country, many of us won't even set a hazmat-covered foot in a bathroom we feel unworthy, which is kind of funny considering what we plan to do there.

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Friday, 12 Apr 2013 | 12:21 PM ET

Is Tiger Good for Golf? Not Everyone Thinks So

Posted By: Jane Wells

Getty Images

Tiger Woods of the United States lines up a putt on the 18th hole during the first round of the 2013 Masters Tournament at Augusta National Golf Club

Has Tiger Woods been good for golf? "I don't think he's had any effect on the economics of golf."

That astounding sentiment comes from the always blunt Mark King, CEO of TaylorMade-Adidas Golf. The first day of the Masters has been good for TaylorMade—sponsored player Sergio Garcia ended the day in the lead with Dustin Johnson, also sponsored by TaylorMade, not far behind.

Tiger Woods is coming into the Masters playing well again; he won the World Golf Championships in March. I asked King if Woods, even though he uses Nike clubs, helps the entire sport when he plays well.

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Thursday, 4 Apr 2013 | 4:26 PM ET

Seaching for the Next Pocket Fisherman

Posted By: Jane Wells

Searching for the Next Snuggie

CNBC's Jane Wells reports what could be the next big "as seen on TV" product.

Roger Yanagita had five minutes to make a pitch that could land him millions. "I hate dust," he said before a panel of three men. "I can't stand dust."

He pointed out that feather dusters merely spread dust around, which still makes him sneeze. What to do? "May I present the first ever Duster Vac!"

With that, the Los Angeles inventor fired up a vacuum cleaner with a feather duster attached. "Dust down the hose and out your nose!"

Yanagita was making his pitch at the Response Expo in San Diego, where inventors hoping to sell the next OxyClean or Pocket Fisherman meet with the infomercial marketers who can make that happen.

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Thursday, 28 Mar 2013 | 2:39 PM ET

Holy Cow! Bovine Sells for $170,000

Posted By: Jane Wells

Source: Holstein World

Karlie the cow was sold for $170,000.

Think beef is expensive now? A cow just sold for a record $170,000 at auction in Syracuse, New York.

"That's more than the median home price in Central New York last month: $112,500," wrote Marnie Eisenstadt in the Syracuse Post-Standard.

Well, you can't milk a house.

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Thursday, 28 Mar 2013 | 1:16 PM ET

Bacon Mouthwash—For Real or Delicious Prank?

Posted By: Jane Wells

Source: scopemouthwash.com

Scope Bacon Mouthwash

You know I love everything bacon-y. I've had the bacon shake, the bacon sundae, and the bacon taco, aka, "The Baco."

I even own a shirt bought in Des Moines, Iowa which says, "I like pig butts, and I cannot lie."

America loves bacon. We also love a good laugh.

A friend alerted me to a new promotion from Proctor & Gamble's Scope touting bacon-flavored mouthwash. My first reaction—what took so long?

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Tuesday, 26 Mar 2013 | 1:40 PM ET

What Would You Do to Avoid Paying the Bills?

Posted By: Jane Wells

Rubberball Productions | Agency Collection | Getty Images

It's getting close to the end of the month. Time to break out the checkbook (anyone still have one of those?) and pay the bills.

This time of year, it's not only the usual bills piling up by month's end, but there's also the check many Americans will write the IRS by April 15. In some states like California, property taxes are due.

Spring sucks.

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