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Canada Gets Tough (Eh!),"  And Dyson "Sucks" Water

Wednesday, 27 Jun 2007 | 12:17 PM ET

OH, CANADA!

Canada
Canada

You have to admit, Canada is the best neighbor on the planet. But now Canada wants Americans to know she will no longer be taken for granted as the girl next door! The Canadian Tourism Council says Canada is "tired of hearing that it's too nice, too pretty, too pristine and too safe." Gee, I bet Iraqis would love to have that rep. WE'D love that rep. But the Canucks are touting the country's "new personality and make-over," like some sort of silicone implant, with a new slogan "Keep Exploring."

Tourism officials suggest we come swim with beluga whales, drink 40-year-old brandy in a

luxury tent, chopper out to a five-star resort, or go "nose to nose with a polar bear to find out if they really have fish breath." In other words, what you did in the old pre-silicone Canada. The only thing I saw which reflected a new attitude (don't laugh): "Of course, there is always mining for conflict-free diamonds..." See, this is why I love Canada. I LOVE Canada. The country is so wonderful yet it's worried no one wants it. It's like the beautiful girl who thinks she's an ugly duckling. Canada, don't change a thing! Except maybe make sure no terrorists cross into our country.

A NATION OF WORKAHOLICS
As CNBC's Steve Liesman reports today (see video below), about half of American workers don't plan to take a vacation this summer (sorry, Canada). We would rather get an extra week's salary than take a week off. And why not? WorkPlace Media,which surveys workers, found that half of us wear casual clothing to work during the summer. Also:

65% of workplaces have a summer office picnic or cook-out (I hear CNBC is doing this back east... here in the Los Angeles bureau I brought in some bagels and cream cheese the other day).

22% of workers have shorter work days or "flex time" during the summer.

8% get Fridays off! Where do they work? Can I apply?

To Vacation or Not to Vacation
Exclusive results of CNBC's quarterly wealth in America survey looks at why Americans plan on not taking vacation this summer, with CNBC's Steve Liesman

JAMES DYSON SUCKS
Now that I have your attention. The guy who brought us the bag-free vacuum cleaner to suck up floor dust is now releasing a really fast, sanitary, touch-free commercial hand dryer to suck off water. He says it's like an "air knife" which scrapes off moisture in record time. So how is he marketing the product? With help from a new survey by Opinion Research which found that 90% of us "have performed 'bathroom gymnastics' to avoid making any contact with surfaces in a public restroom. For instance, more than a third (40%) of respondents use their elbow to turn on the hand dryer." And apparently we have good reason to do this, since scientists found two types of bacteria on 10% of paper towel dispensers in a public bathroom study. Yuck.

I'M SORRY, WERE YOU TRYING TO CAPTURE MY INTEREST?
Welcome to my world. Here are some titles of recent press releases sent my way. Remember, press releases are supposed to make me WANT TO COVER YOUR COMPANY OR EVENT.

LOCKHEED MARTIN COMBINES OEM EXPERTISE WITH LOW COST SERVICES FOR TOTAL LIFE CYCLE SUPPORT OF AIRCRAFT

AMERICAN SOCIETY OF SAFETY ENGINEERS' ORLANDO CONFERENCE EXPO SETS ANOTHER RECORD

GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER SIGNS LEGISLATION TO PROTECT DENTAL PATIENT SAFETY

(by the way, last week when I was on vacation, I think the Governor set a new record stuffing my in box... 64 press releases.)

PARIS TRIP WINNER!

Paris Hilton and her new iPhone
CNBC.com photo composite
Paris Hilton and her new iPhone

Ok, another misleading headline by me. But this week we've "tripped" about what Paris Hilton should do professionally now that she's a free woman. You sent me a lot of fantastic ideas, some serious, some diabolical, some hilarious. And the winner of the prized CNBC mug is, based on his ability to tie together the two most-hyped stories of the year: PHIL IN MIAMI, who wrote:

"Paris Hilton should have herself photographed with the hottest stud of the summer: iPhone. We can all watch to see if she can turn it on. Possible captions: Heiress and Wireless; Smart Phone and Dumb Phony; Touch and No Touch."

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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