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A Whole Lot of Croc

WHAT A CROC

A hospital in Pittsburgh is banning Crocs, the comfy rubbery shoes with holes in them. Hospital officials call them a hazard, fearing a nurse might drop a syringe on his or her foot and, bingo! One nurse tells the AP that's a croc. "I mean, I can get a needle stuck in my arm or my leg."

A CROC OF MANURE

The entrepreneurial spirit is thriving in China! There are plans afoot to turn panda poop into home decor products, like picture frames. The Chengdu (emphasis on "du") Giant Panda Breeding Base sees it as a good way to make a profit on the excrement it shovels every day.

The products will mostly be made from undigested bamboo in the poop that is "smashed, dried and sterilized" at 572 degrees Fahrenheit. Someone at the facility said the finished products, "don't smell too bad," though it may reinforce the perception that things "Made in China" are crap.

STATING THE OBVIOUS #1

HCD Research polls Americans on issues, the most obvious issues, and the results are never a surprise. The latest poll says 83% of Americans agree with the NFL's decision to ban Atlanta Falcons' Quarterback Michael Vick from training camp. Really? I guess my only question is, what does the other 17% think?? Maybe they don't know who Vick is, or they just hate dogs.

Earlier HCD polls conclude, and I'm not kidding, "Americans Say Catholic Church Must Step-Up Efforts to Curb Sexual Abuse," and "Majority of Americans are Interested in Watching New Harry Potter Movie." What's next? Americans are revolted by Lindsay and Paris? Americans would like to make more money? Most Americans prefer life to death?

STATING THE OBVIOUS #2

RUPERT MURDOCH BOUGHT DOW JONES AND IS GETTING "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL" AND THAT IS NOT GOOD FOR CNBC.

There, I said it. But here's why I'm thrilled about this deal:

1) Competition is good. Bring it on! You may have noticed we at CNBC have already picked up our game and will only continue to do so. Personally, I hope the new Fox Business Channel has some success, so that we never relax.

2) The market for television business reporters has just increased significantly.

I have good friends at Fox , and I don't doubt they are planning a long, slow conquest. One of the producers moving from the Fox News Channel to the Fox Business Channel queried me about transitioning from regular news to business news, asking, "Can you suggest any books to read?" Ah. Some of them will face a steep learning curve, as I did. But I also learned it ain't rocket science.

FAKE JANE responds:

Fake Jane
CNBC.com photo composite
Fake Jane

"Shhhhhh. Covering business news IS rocket science. It is very hard, complicated, dangerous work. For example, you have to know how to read a chart. If the line is going up, you have to know what that means!

Of course, some things are still a struggle for me after all these years. I can't understand a friggin' word Rick Santelli says. Why are higher corporate bond yields bad? Higher is better, right? Sigh. And then you have to know what EBITDA is. Or is it EBIDTA? I just call it "earnings before bad stuff." Good luck, Fox, GOOD LUCK."

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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