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Richard Branson: Fake Jane/Real Jane Thinks He's Awesome

Wednesday, 8 Aug 2007 | 10:13 AM ET
Richard Branson
AP
Richard Branson

Who doesn’t want to be Sir Richard Branson? Today, though, he may have bitten of more than his beknighted mouth can chew.I wish him well in starting a new airline based in San Francisco, Virgin America. He will need luck.

Folks, if you’ve ever flown in or out of San Francisco, you know what I'm talking about—the bitter resentment growing in your belly as the fog settles in once more and delays your flight for two hours. Again. That’s why most civilized people fly into San Jose or Oakland these days. But given his Midas touch, maybe Sir Richard has the mojo it takes to change the weather in the City by the Bay. Or maybe the airline lounge area will have enough amenities that you won’t mind.

Ok, I’m taking a poll--as you can see give your answer. And email me with your worst airline delay ever at funnybusiness@cnbc.com. I will post your comments, and we will all feel your pain. Hilarity counts, so make it funny!


Fake Jane
CNBC.com photo composite
Fake Jane

FAKE JANE ON BRANSON
Man, that guy is hot. The hottest thing about him is that he’s still with the same wife who gave birth to his children. Ok, apparently she’s not his first wife (according to that Bible of accuracy, Wikipedia), but Joan Branson has been around a while. What a refreshing change to see a billionaire staying true to a woman who isn’t 20, or isn’t trying to look like she’s 20. Where can I get my acrylic nails on a guy like that?

For most men--the more money they get, the fatter you look. Scumbags. Like the ex-Mr. Fake Jane. He left me for Posh Spice, but I was a Jalapeno, baby. Sigh. Where’d I put that Botox syringe??

Joe Kernen
Joe Kernen

(FAKE JANE DISCLAIMERS: for those of you who don’t, like, get it. Fake Jane is FAKE. For example, Real Jane’s husband has not left her—yet--and he’s not David Beckham. Secondly, the bit I blogged about earlier “outing” Joe Kernen as the “real” Fake Jane, that was fake, ok? We just thought it would be funny to put the wig on Joe. Real Jane is Fake Jane. Confused? Good.)

PR Note:
The press release hit my inbox: “Is Infrastructure Support Service (ISS) the right fit?” WHAT? It went on to suggest I clink on a link to “hear from a company just like yours that was able to implement an ISS solution offering the flexibility, cost benefits and expertise expected in a trusted provider--while allowing them to retain their core knowledge base.”

Wow. It's amazing how people can speak English and sound so foreign.

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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