It's Good To Be Fake Jane

Fake Jane
CNBC.com photo composite
Fake Jane

Fake Jane has not been this happy since she dated that handsome professional (unfortunately he turned out to be a professional shaman running a commune with three “wives”).

Here’s the good news: the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, Fake Jane’s favorite charity, has determined that face transplants can go mainstream! Once thought to be a remedy in only the most extreme cases of reconstructive surgery, face transplants may actually be a relatively safe procedure with a much lower rate of rejection than, say, liver transplants. KA-CHING! Another revenue stream for the beauty docs!

CNBC.com photo composite

This means that Fake Jane can become Fake Maria-Erin-Melissa-Sue-Trish! I just need a nose here, a lip there. Girls, chip in for a good cause!

The ASPS admits it needs more data—there just haven’t been enough face transplants to base a lot of decisions on. However, things look promising! Doctors figure that face transplant patients are generally healthier than someone needing new internal organs—patients just need new faces, not new hearts (though some would argue Fake Jane is both faceless AND heartless). By being healthier, they wouldn’t need so many immunosuppressive drugs to keep the body from rejecting the face.

So turn that frown upside down! Or let the doctor do it for you.

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.