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O.J. , Useless Food Holidays And My Ann Coulter Tease

Tuesday, 16 Oct 2007 | 2:03 PM ET

I've been blown away by the response I've gotten to my blog yesterday about Ann Coulter. More of it can be read in my next post! (Notice how I worked her name into the headline). Meantime, I'm too shallow to swim in deep thoughts for long, so let's get back to more ridiculous topics:

AP

O.J. V. THE TAX MAN
O.J. Simpson owes the state of California $1.4 million in back taxes. One would think Simpson flaunts the law! He is listed with other major debtors on the California State Franchise Tax Board web site:

Simpson's tax bill is nothing compared to Dionne Warwick, who owes the Golden State $2.6 million. Please don't show her the say to San Jose because she might get picked up there and thrown in the can. Why didn't they grab her when she appeared on "American Idol"?

One disc jockey joked that, tax bill aside, Warwick should have been arrested just for appearing on "Idol." the biggest individual scofflaw is someone named Waheem Begum of Fremont, CA, who owes more than $10 million in personal income taxes! The only Waheed Begum I could track down via Google is an IT guy looking for work in India.

USELESS FOOD HOLIDAYS
In the tradition of nonsensical American marketing schemes, I found a page detailing 175 different days or months dedicated to food and drink. So...are you any more likely to eat nuts on National Nut Day Oct. 22nd? (I assume they're talking "nuts" as in the things you eat). And I'm confused over several bizarre holidays which occur twice. National Date-Nut Bread day is both Sept. 8th (darn, missed it this year) and Dec. 22nd (oh wait, there's still time!) And who doesn't want to celebrate National Prune Breakfast Month in January?

I'm going to hold off eating prunes til then, and then eat one EVERY DAY in January. My favorites: Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day (Feb. 11th), National Noodle-Ring Day (Dec. 11th, sounds like a disease, like you should show support for noodle-ring sufferers by wearing an egg-noodle-yellow ribbon), and "Something on a Stick Day" (Mar. 28th--I guess you're supposed to use your imagination for what to put on the stick).

WORD FOR THE DAY
Remember a few weeks ago my friend Cherie coined the phrase "Actorvist" for people like Angelina Jolie? I laughed and laughed, thinking, "Yeah, I'm surprised nobody's already come up with such a DUMB WORD." Well. I'm the dumb one! Google "actorvist" and you get 851 hits. This week I got a press release from another group: www.artivist.org. So I've decided to call myself a "blogovist," WHICH GETS ZERO RESULTS on Google. You heard it here first.

Don't forget, more Ann Coulter reaction in my next post.

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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