Stressing out about Thursday already? I know what you mean. I'm even "stressing ahead" to Christmas. I think this year I'm going to give my kids money (they're teenagers, it's all they want), give my nieces and nephews gift cards, and donate to charity for the adults. I'll take care of Christmas in about ten minutes! If only I wouldn't feel so...un-Merry doing that.
I mean, I've got to have packages with bows under the tree! Stocking stuffers! And the food! Will my visiting brother and his family understand the funky Christmas Eve dinner we traditionally make--tamales, Crab Louis, and homemade bread (it's a combination of traditions which makes sense only to us).
Like-minded spirits can find solace in a web site called HellishHolidays.com, that my colleague Julia Boorstin mentioned in her post on Friday. This is where people post videos of the worst in family dinners. You have to take a look. Here's my favorite.
WHAT'S THANKSGIVING WITHOUT THE TURKEY, TURKY?
Tomorrow I'm heading to Chowchilla, California to talk turkey. Literally. As Americans prepare to...gobble...up the big bird on Thursday, there's word from a company that sells "refrigerated veggie-based meals" that, brace yourselves, this year, more people will not be eating turkey than last year. Lightlife claims that a survey it commissioned found that one in three American households this year will host someone who doesn't eat meat. ONE IN THREE! Really? What, did you only survey people in Berkeley? The entire state of California could go meatless this year (and, believe me, they'll probably legislate that), and it still wouldn't be enough.
That hard-to-swallow statistic aside, the company is offering a free hotline to help people struggling to cook for vegetarian guests, at (866) 474-6985. Lightlife operators can answer questions like, "Is it ok if I cook the potatoes in the same pan as the turkey?" (I'm no expert, but I'd say you shouldn't.) It's also sells vegetarian "birds" for those who want to skip the real thing altogether. There's the Turky with Cranberry Stuffing, Chickn Cordon Bleu, Chickn Broccoli Melt. Apparently going meatless means cutting out the 'e'.
There is always much to be thankful for, even in a bad year. And there is always a reason to laugh. Andy Borowitz once again has me laughing by spoofing the President's "Thankfulness List." Here's my favorite item on that list: "Let's be grateful that I didn't take out a subprime mortgage on the White House like Mr. Cheney told me to.