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Current DateTime: 03:55:39 28 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 31388230
Expiration DateTime: 11/28/2009 3:57:10 AM
    • Shopper & Investor Deals  25 Nov 2009

        A look at what's likely to happen at the registers once the doors open on Friday, with Richard Hastings, Global Hunters Securities; Richard Jaffe, Stifel Nicolaus & Co. and CNBC's Jane Wells.

    • Black Friday: Bargain or Bust?  25 Nov 2009

        Whether the deals are better than what shoppers will usually see or if it is just another marketing tactic, with Hitha Prabhakar, Style File Group; Brad Wilson, BlackFriday2009.com and CNBC's Jane Wells.

    • Holiday Central  25 Nov 2009

        A discussion of the many ways retailers are preparing for Black Friday, live from K-Mart in Burbank, CA, with CNBC's Jane Wells.

    • Retailers Getting Ready for Black Friday  25 Nov 2009

        Retailers are getting ready for Black Friday, and CNBC's Jane Wells has the play by play. Stacy Janiak, of Deloitte, shares her insight.

    • Amazon vs. Wal-Mart  24 Nov 2009

        What began as a price war between Wal-Mart and Amazon over a handful of books has nos spread to a wide assortment of consumer goods. Lee Eisenberg, a noted retail expert and consumer behaviorist, and CNBC's Jane Wells discuss.

    • Prices to Be Thankful For  24 Nov 2009

        A decrease in food prices is something to be thankful for this holiday, reports CNBC's Jane Wells.

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Current DateTime: 03:55:40 28 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 31388237
Expiration DateTime: 11/28/2009 3:57:17 AM
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Funny Business

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Dec.12
1:55 PM ET
Wednesday, 12 Dec 2007
Outlook For '08: Fake Jane's Predictions

Fake Jane
CNBC.com photo composite

Fake Jane is very excited about 2008! She hopes to afford major reconstructive surgery which will turn back the hands of time. Or maybe she can at least afford better skincare products. Maybe she'll even go on a date! She's very optimistic that, even if she doesn't meet Mr. Right, she'll meet Mr. Desperate. Yes!

Meantime, she has gazed into her faux Swarovski crystal ball to foresee Funny Business stories in the new year.

1) Real estate:

Outlook 08

Foreclosures drop as homeowners refinance using new Carol Alt-A mortgages, which lower payments if you look really hot.

2) Agriculture:
Corn farmers, having convinced Congress to subsidize corn for food and ethanol, win subsidies to force Americans to wear corn clothing, install corn insulation for new home construction, and smoke tobacco only through corn cob pipes. The public finally revolts when farmers push Congress to replace the bald eagle with the corn stalk as our national bird.

Angelina Jolie & Hugo Chavez
3) Energy:
Hugo Chavez is smitten with Angelina Jolie while the actorvist is in Venezuela to adopt her 23rd child. He boosts oil production to impress her, and oil falls below $50, but it ends badly during the premiere of Jolie's new movie, a romantic comedy called "I Hate You All." Chavez won't stop talking during the movie, and Jolie finally yells, "Why don't you shut up?"

4) Entertainment:
As the strike continues, NBC hires Latvian writers to bring their break-out hit, "Latvia's Worst Driver" to America. Hilarity ensues. Meantime, Fox slots a new reality show after "American Idol" called "Beatle Wives," starring Yoko Ono, Heather Mills, Patti Boyd and Barbara Bach, living together in a Malibu mansion where they discover they have no talent. Hilarity...ensues.

5) Defense:
Pentagon approves new $5.4 trillion deal to buy 'green' armaments which kill people but also emit enough energy to power a bombed out village for weeks, reducing our carbon footprint.

6) Publishing:
Bob Woodward has top-selling book of the year called "Number Two", which reveals that Dick and Lynne Cheney frequently attended wife-swapping "key" parties in Georgetown in the 1970's.

7) Sports:
Baseball legend Joe DiMaggio revealed to be addicted to illegal muscle laxatives during 56-game hitting streak. Marilyn said they were aspirin. New documents reveal skid mark cover-up.

8) Technology:
Google does evil.

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Current DateTime: 01:04:29 28 Nov 2009
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