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Eureka! Ruin Your New Year's Eve!

Monday, 31 Dec 2007 | 2:58 PM ET

HOW TO HAVE A LAME NEW YEAR'S EVE

CNBC.com

The Ladies' Home Journal took a poll on which Presidential candidate you'd like to take to a New Year's Eve karaoke party. (I swear, I'm not kidding. )

The magazine surveyed more than a thousand adults. Results show that 24 percent of Americans would pick Sen. Hillary Clinton as their date. Sen. Barack Obama came in second with 15 percent, and Republican Rudy Giuliani came in third with 8 percent.

Those voting "None" only came in with 11 percent! THAT is a surprise. Do you REALLY want to hear Hillary singing "Take a Chance on Me," accompanied by a boombox in a room full of drunk revelers? Ok, maybe you would.

The same survey also gave Mrs. Clinton the largest share of votes for the candidate most likely to keep her New Year's resolutions, 21 percent. I can't imagine what her resolutions are. ("Win"?)

Now be sure to take our candidate-karaoke survey:

Real Jane's New Year's resolution:
Go into Blackberry re-hab -- turn the darn thing off after-hours, don't reach for it every five minutes like some sort of electronic cigarette.

Fake Jane's New Year's resolution:
Be popular enough to get a Blackberry.

FAKE JANE DEMANDS ON-SCREEN ROMANCE WITH DR. McDREAMY

CNBC.com

The movie ticket site Fandango has listed the romantic couplings on film this year which would NEVER happen in real life, including:

- Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl in "Knocked Up." Fake Jane couldn't even get past the movie poster so she never bought a ticket.

- Dan Fogler and Maggie Q in "Balls of Fury"

- William H. Macy and Marisa Tomei in "Wild Hogs" (although Macy is married in real life to Felicity Huffman, so he's not exactly striking out in the real world)

Fake Jane muses: what are the chances we'll see an Average Jane (or Fake Jane) winning the heart of Patrick Dempsey on the big screen? Or any regular-looking female? (America Ferrera doesn't count...beautiful swans masquerading as "Ugly Betties" are an old Hollywood trick I'm not falling for).

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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