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Fake Jane On IAC/Interactive Corp Bruhaha

Fake Jane was complaining to Fake Mary Thompson about the usual things--men, job, life, looks, age, money, collagen. Fake Mary ("FM") decided to lighten things up and told Fake Jane to stop acting like a self-loathing diva. Well, the best way to stop feeling sorry for oneself is to do what fake people always do--turn the spotlight of disdain on others. FM pointed out that the real divas of the hour may be...John Malone and Barry Diller!Fighting for control of the IAC/InterActiveCorp dynasty!

Hey--speaking of dynasty--FM suggests Malone and Diller are the new Alexis and Krystle Carrington! They're throwing around words like "hogwash," and "preposterous" and "insane"! (Well, Diller is). Will the fight over HSN and Ticketmaster and Ask.com end up being the corporate verbal equivalent of two women dressed to the nines throwing each other around in a mud pool? For the moment, we've cast Malone as Alexis and Diller as Krystle. Krystle usually won, but Alexis usually had more money. And who's Blake? Someone Krystle met on Match.com, I'm sure.

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Hey--speaking of dynasty--FM suggests Malone and Diller are the new Alexis and Krystle Carrington! They're throwing around words like "hogwash," and "preposterous" and "insane"! (Well, Diller is). Will the fight over HSN and Ticketmaster and Ask.com end up being the corporate verbal equivalent of two women dressed to the nines throwing each other around in a mud pool? For the moment, we've cast Malone as Alexis and Diller as Krystle. Krystle usually won, but Alexis usually had more money. And who's Blake? Someone Krystle met on Match.com, I'm sure.

CNBC.com




















HOW FAKE JANE WILL SPEND HER TAX REBATE
Real Jane probably won't qualify for an upcoming tax rebate to stimulate the economy. But Fake Jane will. That's because Fake Jane is one of those people who doesn't make that much money but spends every dime she gets. She's so far over her head in debt that she'll never really own anything. She is EXACTLY whom the government is counting on to restart the economy with a few hundred bucks.

Reader Heather H. wanted to know how Fake Jane planned to spend this spring-time windfall. Easy: at the plastic surgeon's office. It ought to be worth at least one Botox visit. Or perhaps some collagen and a down payment on implants. This will help the part of the economy closest to Fake Jane's heart, literally. And think of it as an investment in Fake Jane's own economy--maybe it'll help her move up in the world.

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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