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Mythmaking Mischief
To show you how damaging these myths can be to a talented young person, I'd like to tell you a story about a young boy I know, whose father, with the best intentions, is frustrating his son's natural inclination to success.
A few years ago, my sons decided they wanted to have a mural painted on their bedroom wall. They had a vision of a cool biker flying through the air on his amazing motorcycle, while an awestruck crowd watched from below.
When I found out that paying an artist to paint a mural would cost about the same as wallpapering the room, which needed a new paint job anyway, my wife and I said, "Why not?" and I began looking around for an artist who could paint both lifelike people and shiny, impressive motorcycles, a combination requiring skills that seemed beyond most artists I asked.
Then one evening my son Trey appeared in the kitchen with a drawing of just what he and I had been looking for, a truly realistic, macho biker, whose fierce expression conveyed his determination to take his bike on a glorious sky ride. The bike itself was everything a boy would want-big and streamlined with every bell and whistle known to man.
"Where did you get this?" I asked.
"Paul drew it," he said.
I was astounded. Paul was his friend, a quiet thirteen-year-old boy with big brown eyes and an easy sense of humor. He was at our house all the time, and this evening he was spending the night when Trey and his brothers told him of their planned motorcycle painting.
He was obviously a terrific artist, and I thought we'd found the person for the job. But when I went upstairs to congratulate him and offer him the job of painting the mural for about $250, he said, "I'm sorry, sir. I can't. My dad would be really upset. He doesn't like it when I draw."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could his father not like Paul's drawings?
When I took this news to my wife, she explained that Paul's father was frustrated because all Paul wanted to do was draw, to the exclusion of schoolwork, athletics, even dinner conversation. His teachers complained, his grades were poor, and his father blamed it all on the drawing.
In my optimism, I thought, Well, maybe so, but surely I can talk to him and explain that Paul has a tremendous gift that should be encouraged. Further, he'd understand that if he did support his son's talents, Paul would likely meet with great success. His self-confidence would grow, and most likely, when he was allowed to draw all he wanted, his schoolwork would improve as well. I just knew he'd be delighted to let him paint the mural. So with Paul's permission I brought the subject up when I drove him home the next day.
"Absolutely not," he told me firmly when I asked if I could hire Paul. "Giving him so much money to draw is exactly what we can't do. He has to learn to pay attention in school and improve his grades first-the last thing he should be doing is distracting himself by drawing. It's too impractical."
Paul's face dropped a mile at his father's words, but nothing I could say would convince his dad that discouraging his talent was just the opposite of what he should be doing.
Mr. Mercado, backed by our whole society's attitude toward raising children, is firmly convinced that the best thing he can do for his son is to steer him away from his "impractical" interest in art so that he will study harder in school. His dream for Paul is that he get good grades, go to college, and land a well-paying job. Then he will be successful, and his father will think he has done his job.
But he's dead wrong. It's clear that his son's passion and talents lie in his artistic ability. He's absorbing everything around him and putting it into his art, and his excellent work reflects his self-discipline and practice. He could easily use his gift to launch himself into a successful business that would be appropriate to his age-painting murals, doing Web site graphics, drawing dealer ads on the windshields of the vehicles for sale in car lots-and the business skills he learns now would give him enormous confidence and prepare him well for an adult career that combines his talents with the means to earn a good living.
But Mr. Mercado can't see that. He doesn't understand that Paul is very lucky in knowing at a young age exactly what he wants to do. Neither does he see that through his art, Paul has already begun to develop traits that will help him succeed-qualities such as concentration and attention to detail. And because he is so uncomfortable with what he finds unfamiliar, he has no appreciation for the joy Paul gets from exercising his talents, pleasure that would be a prime motivator for him throughout his working life.
He should be applauding his efforts but is instead setting him up for frustration and failure. For starters, Paul is already out the $250 I wanted to pay him for his mural, not to mention the dozens of referrals I would have given him!
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