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Romney Campaign Machine Is Out Of Control (With Emails)

I feel sorry for my colleague John Harwood. I don’t even cover politics, but I still get all the campaign emails. I’ve tried to get off a few of the lists, but that’s like trying to pull out dandelion weeds—they always grow back.

I have been receiving about one email a week from Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign. But after the debate Wednesday night at the Reagan Library, the Romney PR machine indulged in some Human Growth Hormone. My BlackBerry started buzzing and hasn’t stopped since. I got about 20 emails in the hours after the debate accusing Sen. John McCain of things like being a “flip-flopper” (oh, the irony!) and, basically, calling McCain a liar. Here’s a sample of the subject lines (they like to capitalize the first letter of every word):

STRAIGHT TALK DETOUR—McCain Falsely Claimed That He Voted For The Bush Tax Cuts

SEN. JOHN MCCAIN ON HIS “CONSERVATIVE RECORD”—Senator McCain Celebrates Teaming Up With Liberal Democrats

MCCAINONOMICS—Sen. McCain’s 2000 Plan Would Have Raised Taxes

And on. And on. And on.

Forget flip-flop, I’m just smelling flop sweat.

MY EXCRUCIATING LIFE
You know how I like to blog unusual press releases—like the release from GenoMed thatI blogged about Friday suggesting Heath Ledger died of the flu,and the company could have saved him (by the way, that will be the last time I blog a penny stock—I’ve been barraged with mostly angry emails from what I assume are the company’s ten shareholders—I’m not saying the company isn’t legit, I’m saying it showed BAD TASTE in sending out a release based on speculation before the body was even cold!).

Well the strange pitches are now cascading in--there must be something about the alignment of Venus and Mars this week. Releases suggesting we cover stories like “Sex Life Still Alive for the Physically Challenged.” And the business angle on that is…?

Here are two other “alerts”:

SCRATCH THAT
--Researchers at Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center have discovered “new clues about why scratching may be so relieving.” Gee, maybe because we have an itch. Participants were scratched on the lower leg with a small brush off and on for five minutes. An MRI showed that when patients scratched, areas of the brain “associated with unpleasant or aversive emotions became significantly less active.” So, we scratch because we feel better. Maybe because … like I said... we have an itch.

“This is the first real scientific evidence showing that itch may be inhibited by scratching,” the release boasted, though “One drawback to the study is that the scratching occurred in the absence of itch.”

Oh.

IN A PICKLE

Pickle Sickle
Pickle Sickle
Pickle Sickle

--And then there’s the release for the Pickle Sicklethe tasty frozen pickle juice treat. The company says they’re “increasingly popular” with hidden health benefits. It’s even creating flavored PickleSickles in cherry and lemon-lime (that sound you hear is me gagging…sorry… I may have to order one just to try it).

I can’t ever imagine wanting frozen pickle juice. Even if I was pregnant.

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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