Funny Business

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FlashNews reports that Engage.com has released the results of a survey of single men and women. Now, if your business is devoted to encouraging people to meet each other, like Engage's is, it's in your best interest to make singlehood a grim thing. According to the survey:

22 percent of singles can't remember the last time they actually went on a date.
22 percent haven't had a date in at least a year.

So what's a single guy or girl to do? Have unemotional, mindless...interactions. One third of those surveyed said in the last year they had "friends with benefits" (someone had to explain this to me a few months ago--yikes! So that's what friends are for?), and one third also said they were "hooking up" with someone. Whether they're the same third, we aren't told.

Meantime, everyone wants to cash in on Valentine's Day. I'm feelin' the love from PR types across the fruited plain.

Here's a sampling of pitches coming into the ol' Funny Business inbox:

From the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (now THAT'S romantic!): "Love is in the air, but nothing breaks Cupid's bow like an argument over money."

The NFCC is using Feb. 14th as a reason to teach couples how to talk about their financial problems without leading to divorce court. One tip: "Do bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, and investments to the table." Yes, I find that is always a good ice breaker.

From a senior living firm: "Explore some of the love stories occurring at many Sunrise Senior Living assisted living communities throughout the U.S. and Canada," including "High-school sweethearts married 65 years live together in Sunrise of Bluemont Park in Virginia. Today, 13 grandchildren later, they continue to find love in the comfort of each other. This is typical of the love that can be found at most Sunrise communities."

Only at "most" Sunrise communities? Are there Sunrise communities which frown on enduring love???

From Virgin Atlantic Airways: "Virgin Atlantic Airways, one of the world's leading long-haul airlines, today announced the launch of its new US marketing campaign, Love from Above."

Now, I know what you're thinking. That's what I was thinking, too. But apparently the airline is just pushing a new "Premium Economy Cabin" with red and purple artwork, asking, "Shouldn't flying be art?" Um, no. Flying should be safe and affordable.

From Bob Kutska,"President of the workplace productivity consulting firm the Fusion Factor" (wha?): how to let hopeless romantics flourish in the office without crossing the line into harassment. "It is unrealistic to expect all employees to abstain from dating. I mean, I met my wife in the office! But there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to pursue a relationship."

And from a study by the University of Michigan School of Public Health: the secret to a long marriage, and a long life, is to express your anger. So this Valentine's Day, show your enduring love by blowing up in an explosive display of rage. The study, reported in the Journal of Family Communication says researchers followed 192 couples over 17 years, and found, "both spouses in 26 pairs suppressed their anger; there were 13 deaths in that group. With the remaining 166 couples, there was a total of 41 deaths. Both spouses died in 23 percent of the mutual suppression couples during the study period, compared to 6 percent of the other couples."

Which couples lived the longest? THE ONES WHERE THE MAN EXPRESSED HIS ANGER BUT THE WOMAN HELD HERS IN. I'm dead.

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