MAMA’S MOJO

Look your children square in the eye when you make rules and requests. This is no time to be wishy-washy. Speak strongly (don’t scream). Ask them to repeat what you said so there’s no problem later on with what went down. Listen up: if your kids always agree with everything you say, you’ve got another  problem—either they don’t care what you say, or you are
not asking enough from them. }

Long before you and your child ever get in a car or set foot in a grocery store, restaurant, or friend’s house, you need to talk about what kind of behavior is expected. Create realistic expectations of what will happen when you are at these places. Believe me, they have no  idea—especially when they are young. You need to spell it out exactly.

For example, an important grocery store rule is: look with your eyes and not with your hands. Before we entered a store, I would outline the action plan. For example, I’d tell the kids we can get two cereals  today—one sweet and one regular. Then, I’d assign one child to pick out the sweet cereal and another to pick the regular. Maybe I’d tell a younger one to choose a favorite snack for us to take home. If everyone behaved well in the store, that snack was to be the reward.

If we  were going somewhere like Wal-Mart, I might say, “We are not buying today.” That way, the kids knew before we went into stores that toys and such would not be purchased. Don’t wait until you are in the store to announce  this—if you do, you end up having to say no, repeatedly. Reinforce what you came to buy in the first place.

One time, when I was at a store, I happened to overhear a mother tell her young son, “If you behave, I’ll buy you a nice toy.” The boy promptly sat up straight in the cart, full of expectation. Our carts would pass as we browsed the  aisles—each time the little boy was happy and quiet. Then, on her way over to the housewares section, the mother passed by a big toy display. Of course, her son was all excited because the promised toys  were in sight. Instead of picking one out and putting it in the basket, the mother pushed the cart away from the toys and kept on walking. The boy started to cry. The mother became angry and things es-calated fast. Later, I saw the mother go out of the store with her weepy child (and no toys). Honor the expectations you create. It is a mistake not to do it; what do you think will happen the next time these two go to a store?

MAMA’S MOJO

Here’s some great toy mojo: If we’d go shopping anywhere with lots of toys, I’d put a few of the sturdy ones in the basket with my boys. They’d be busy with the toy and play with it (I only used nonbreakables). Usually, by the time we got to  checkout, they didn’t even care about that toy. Then, we’d either leave or I’d get them something small and they would be happy.

Rules for visiting a friend’s house begin with a reminder to be on your best behavior. These rules should include reminding your child to use his quieter “inside voice,” not his noisier “outside voice.” Kids have to be reminded about their noise level because they laugh often and express emotions out  loud—much more than we adults do. That’s great, but not inside the four walls at someone’s home, or sometimes inside your own  house.

Once, during a visit to a friend’s house, a place where everyone always had a good time, there was a young girl with manners that were not just good, they were great. I had to compliment her. She told me her mother said the trick to a return invitation was to have good manners. What a smart idea to keep kids on the right behav-ior track at a place they enjoy and want to see again.

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