Be a Mama Rock from the Block
There will be times when you are called to outside duty. My Kenny told me I was the extra mama for lots of kids on our block. He said our family values influenced some of his friends—even to this day. Whenever you get a chance, be a Mama Rock. An excellent resource for any parent is the Big Brother and Big Sister Clubs of America (BBBS). This organization helps children of all ages, races, and religions all over the country. BBBS has volunteer mentors (“Bigs”) involved in one-to-one mentoring matches with children (“Littles”) in thousands of schools across the country. It is one of the largest  in-school volunteer forces in the nation’s history. Call on  them—that is why they exist. Offer guidance and be a good role model to any child who needs it. There are never too many good mamas.

It’s important for single parents to find a role model of the op-posite sex for their children. No matter how committed and dedi-cated you are as a  parent, I know you could use some help. If your own parents are good examples, use them. You can also reel in a brother, sister, cousin, in-law, or family friend to serve in that capacity. Otherwise, find a coach or teacher who will have great influence. It really does take a village of mamas, daddies, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and members of the community to raise a good child. Call on whomever you need, and be someone who is needed whenever you can.

All that aside, no matter what, as a parent you are the role model—good or bad. How you set examples in your behavior every day (in every way) determines your child’s perspective. Hey, I never said it was easy. You may have to clean up your act and fl y right. {MAMA’S MOJO Get your child’s input about whom they consider a role model outside the home. Ask them why they look up to this person. You will learn a great deal from that discussion. It may shock and surprise you, but it’s a start down an important path.}

To Keep a Balance, Check and Recheck
It’s a good idea to keep a system of checks and balances on your kids, just like the government. While I don’t suggest you monitor your children 24/7, you will regret it if you don’t know what’s go-ing on before someone rings your doorbell with news you don’t want to hear.
It’s a tough world out there with a lot of pressure for a teenager. I happened to be walking outside near a Manhattan Catholic high school at the end of a school day. Some of the young girls had hiked up the skirts of their modest uniforms and tied their shirts at the waist. The girls pulled some sexy shoes out of their backpacks and slipped them on. Then, off they went. I guess they felt safe because no parent was scheduled to come along at a certain time.

And, how about kids who go to the mall to be with whomever they want? Tricky teens sometimes use a decoy pal who gets in the car on the way to mall, but after they get there, they split up and hang out with others you don’t know about, including that one bad influence a parent  doesn’t want near her child.

If I walked up on my child at the mall and she was with John instead of Stephanie, I would start in with questions like: “Where is Stephanie?” If the answer is not good enough, I’d say: “Let’s call Stephanie’s cell phone”—you do have your children’s friends’ cell phone numbers, don’t you? This kind of thing goes on all the time.

The point is, you can stop your child if he never knows when you might show up. After all, who says you didn’t happen to remember something you needed at JCPenney in the mall on the same day your daughter planned to be there?

MAMA’S MOJO

There are times  when—every once in awhile—you should show up after school. Be casual. Say you took a late lunch and thought you’d swing by to take your child home. Even if you do it just that one time, your child will never know when you might do it again (or where). He won’t be sure, so that should keep him straight for quite awhile.

And I was walking with friends in the mall one day. Her girl-friend told her she saw a lady coming the other way who looked just like me. I was close enough to hear Andi loudly say: “Oh Lord, you are right, it is my Mama.” When I walked over, she said the same thing she always did then I’d walk up on her somewhere: “Uh-oh.  Here she comes, Big Rose came to town, look out.” She might laugh, but I’m sure she got the message.

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