Know When to Lighten Up
Don’t punish for every infraction. If you lay the right groundwork, you can choose your battles wisely. Some actions are only childish mistakes or just plain  accidents—they are not intentional. I’ve seen kids hurry to cover their faces after they have spilled a glass of milk at school. Who in the world would hit a child for spilling milk acci-dentally? Sometimes you have to laugh about the mishap and  say, “Ohmigod!” One time Tony broke our window when he hit a home run from way down the street. What a hit! Wow! I said, “Omigod!”

Another time, Tony and Andre accidentally turned over a gal-lon of bright yellow paint in my kitchen on the floor. They looked over at me in absolute horror. We all looked at that bright paint all over the place and burst out laughing. We laughed until we cried. Then, we cleaned up every single drop.

They shouldn’t have been roughhousing  indoors—but it was not intentional. I didn’t call them a bunch of dumb idiots or lose my cool. Instead, as a family, we cleaned it up. Let me tell you, I was so grateful we got it up off the floor or  else I’d have had to paint the entire kitchen yellow.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime
Don’t use overkill like removing all privileges for two weeks over a minor offense like not doing the dishes. Make a punish-ment appropriate, fair, and immediate. After all, the purpose of
consequences for kids is to learn from them and  change—not be so ticked off that later they will let their own kids do anything.

Most often, severe, inappropriate, or utterly ridiculous punishments are applied during a moment of fury. Your child is NOT really going to stay in his room all summer, is he?

MAMA’S MOJO

When you don’t have a consequence, ask your child what HE thinks is an appropriate consequence. Yes, ask. My kids always offered worse consequences than I would have given out. It’s worth doing this because they are going to be punished anyway—you are just giving them a hand in their own punishment.  Doesn’t that seem fair? Of course it does. Use this and you will give the impression of being fair. }

Don’t Ask a Yes or No Question
I want to share with you one of the most important things I learned in parenting. NEVER ask a yes or no question, especially when it relates to crime and punishment. Don’t say, for instance, “Did you break that cabinet door?” Forget it; you’ll never find out because the answer will always be no. Nobody knows “nuthin,” ever.

If no one comes forward to discuss a mess, wait a day or two. Then, let your children think you already know what’s going on. Sit down with the suspected culprit over a bowl of ice cream or have some cookies  together — nice and casual. Phrase your question like this: “When you did this (broke the lamp or piece of china) were you bouncing a ball or did you throw it around the room with someone  else?”

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