The Cookie Contracts
It’s all about balance. Don’t make something completely forbid-den. After all, if children think a thing is forbidden, it will become even more enticing. For example, I think it’s plain horrible to have treats in your house and have to keep them hidden. Of course, I am not referring to Mama’s valentine chocolates. No one gets those except Mama. I am talking about things your children use—like the cookie jar; they should be kept at a kid-appropriate level so they can get at them when the time is right. This is where the Cookie Contract comes in.

Chris started out as the oldest in our cookie world. He knew how many cookies he could have and when he could have them because I set the cookie boundaries—it was an informal “cookie contract.” Because our cookie jar was not forbidden, it was no big deal. All the other boys followed suit. When we said to go ahead and have a few cookies, that’s exactly what they did (even the youngest ones). No one had to sneak.

Don’t Forget the Hug Factor
Remember this: every consequence your child experiences be-cause he did not follow a rule should be something he can learn from and apply to his future behavior. Parenting should never be only about  punishment—or you need help way beyond the scope of this book.
Be sure to offer some reward just for being  good—that’s a top incentive. It makes a child’s choice clearer if hugs and kisses are given for good behavior, at least sometimes. Let your child know the specific good behavior that earned a big dose of positive at-tention. If you do that, kids won’t be tempted to do so many “bad” things to get that attention.

Keep in mind what is age-appropriate as you begin. For example, the smallest child can learn to say “please” and “thank you.” Add on new rules or expand them as your children mature. Here’s another way of getting your kids to understand boundaries: assign your child a toy chest and a clothes hamper. You can start as early as two years old. (Don’t sit there and tell me you  can’t do this because you don’t have a big toy chest or a fancy hamper.) Go to the nearest value store and get each child a basket and  hamper—those stores have laundry baskets and those  pop-open hampers for a buck. The laundry bas-kets are helpful for toys. If you have more than one child, give each a different color. Here’s how it worked for me: I’d announce it was clean-up time for all toys right before dinner. The consequences of not doing so were that the toys would “disappear” for a week.

Now, on to the laundry: tell the kids to take off their dirty socks at a certain time and put them in their own hamper where they belong. If you have a few kids, make it into a contest: who can get the dirty clothes in their hamper the fastest? If it’s your fi rst child, make a big deal with your watch or count out loud. Kids really like games and a sense of order in the chaos.

MAMA’S MOJO

If your child is too little, have a laundry basket available for him where he can easily reach it—right in his room. All he’ll have to do is toddle in and pop those dirty clothes into the basket. It’s easy for him and you’ve started the trend.

When you are busy ironing or sorting laundry, nothing works better than a big laundry basket of socks (could be your un-matched pairs) for something to keep your child busy. Kids can take the socks in and out of the basket and have a great time. Ally has a vivid memory of when she would play in the sock basket while I was ironing. I must have been happy too, because she remembers hearing me sing during those times. I probably was singing because I didn’t have to scold a little girl who happily played in the sock basket.

Join the Congregation of Expectations
Setting your rule expectations is the most important thing you can do for your children. You must state clearly what you want. Then, remind them again—at least once. The main expectation to con-vey is simple: you require your child to listen and follow you.

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