MAMA’S MOJO

Now listen, are you going to let your kids snub you? Do they get all huffy and annoyed if you show up at the mall, for instance? What? Are you going to not check up on them so they will “like” you? Where’s your head? It’s much more important for your child to respect you and your judgments than to be your buddy. How many times do I have to say this?

Every Action Has a Reaction
Everything has a consequence, good or bad. If you say no, mean it. Kenny always said I was tougher than his father about discipline. True, but Julius and I  were a tag team and we didn’t back down. Don’t let your kids get between you and your spouse. Any indecision can be viewed as permission for your children to do whatever they want (you never officially said no). Use the phrase “I’ll tell you later,” if both parents/caregivers can’t agree on a decision at the moment. Be sure to tell them later, too.

How come so many parents just give it up? Honestly, it’s be-cause it is easier to say yes than to say no. It’s much simpler to let your children go somewhere on their  own—even if you aren’t sure it’s the right thing—than it is to plan an activity together or spend time at home. Some parents think it’s more pleasant than having to deal with sulks or tantrums.

MAMA’S MOJO

Nobody ever died from crying or pouting. Who cares if your kid sulks? Don’t be afraid of his reaction to your actions. If he wants to huff and puff and blow the  house down, he is going to have to do it behind closed doors in his own room. Get him out of your sight—and away from TV and computers. If you’re stumped on what to do, send him to his room until you can think of appropriate consequences.

I'll never forget one time when Andi told me she needed a black skirt and white blouse for the school band. After work, I took her over to  Wal-Mart to look for the clothes. She announced how she didn’t want anything from  Wal-Mart, only from Belk Department Store. We got back in the car and I kept driving right past Belk. She wanted to know where I was going. “Listen,” I said, “you asked me for what you wanted, and I took you where I was planning to buy the outfit. You decided you didn’t want it. Therefore, we’re going to shop in your closet instead.” She wore what she already had and never pulled anything like that on me again.

Pull Out That Can of Whup- Ass
Sometimes children learn consequences for bad behavior all by themselves. Most of the time, though, we parents have to take care of delivering those consequences. Chris likes to say I know “100 kinds of whup- ass.” Let me be real clear: my whup- ass ex-pands far beyond just a physical punishment. It’s about what ever I can do to change a negative behavior. It is about taking something away from a child and how he feels about it.

Believe me, I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve for making that happen. I can unleash whup- ass disciplinary techniques like nobody’s business. Even the threat of opening a can of my whup- ass will have just the right psychological effect on my kids. It takes clear action, sometimes, to let your child know who is in charge. I still rely on my mystery can of whup- ass because no one knows what it’s going to be until the lid is already off and they have to face the consequences.

One time, my son Charles, “Shabazz,” bought fireworks for his brothers before the July 4th holiday. Chris could not resist the temptation of those rockets sitting in the corner of his room; he launched a giant Roman candle out of the upstairs window around dinnertime. It flew by our neighbor’s head. Still upstairs, he watched the angry neighbor run across the street toward our home.

Apparently, Chris ran downstairs to greet the fuming fellow on the stoop outside. He put on a shocked, wide-eyed look as he lis-tened to the man’s story. Chris informed the man about the awful tenant upstairs who did this thing all the time with fireworks. That seemed to work until later, when the neighbor discovered the truth—we didn’t have any tenants. Chris ended up with no TV privileges, games, or friends over for two weeks.

And sometimes your children can learn the lessons alone. For example, Chris landed his first big job on Saturday Night Live. After all his struggles, here was the big paycheck. He ignored some ba-sics about money management. He immediately bought a fancy new sports car. After he insured it, he was flat broke. That woke him up better than any money lecture I could give.
No matter what the actual action you use in your house, you need to be consistent about enacting consequences for breaking the rules. Set it up beforehand. If you are stumped, send your child into another room (without privileges) until you can think of something. Be sure to say you’ll come up with something really soon. Most times, the anticipation of an open can of whup- ass is worse than the final punishment.

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