Here is the final contestant in the parody "fake" blog contest. Later this week I will conduct a vote--winner gets a poorly made Fake Jane coffee mug.
"I have been holding something back for a long time. There has been a lot of controversy surrounding me and I would like to clear the air.
Up until now, I have found it beneficial to keep it to myself and the few necessary employees I have shared the secret with. Since there have been investigations recently I thought that you would all find out anyway. I would rather be the one to tell the world so I can control the information.
This subject has been discussed everywhere, on the Internet, in the papers and on the news. Some may think they know how I do it but they are wrong. There have been some serious accusations regarding my methods. I wanted to keep everything secret because I did not want anyone attempting my recipe for success. It has taken me years to gain this status. I have decided that I have to come clean. I think it will be better for me to clear the air rather than let the rumors continue and risk the secret getting out.
The secret is that I had a special office built so I could hide what I was doing from the rest of the world. I don’t like competition and I did not want copycats. It is very important for me to be the best. This office is where it all happens. There has been some activity at my country club as well. They have a special room just for me. Many people think that I use false systems to make it appear one way when really it is another. That is not the case.
I do not use spray on tan. I do not use lotions. My deep tan comes from the tanning bulbs that cover my office. There are no windows. I have the walls and the ceiling covered in tanning bulbs so I can maintain my glow while I work and answer e- mails from the clients I am devoted to. This is the most important thing to me. I have to look good to represent my company in the best way possible. I am sure it comes as a shock to many but this is the best way I have found to serve the clients and avoid that pasty, unhealthy look. I will miss my office when I leave Countrywide but they are building a replica at my home as we speak. I feel better now that I have that off of my beautiful, bronze chest.
Fake Angelo Mozilo"
Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email email@example.com