By Libby Gill

You know those really bad moments in life that would be bad enough all on their own, but in addition to capturing you at your very worst – either as belligerent or reckless or just plain dumb - they also seem to go by in slow motion?  Those moments are like a scene out of an old Peckinpah Western with the bullets freezing in mid-air just before they mow you down, or one of those dreams in which every step feels as if you’re fighting your way through a pool of molasses as you flee the bad guys?

I had one of those awful slow-motion moments when I wrecked my brand new BMW.  The steel blue BMW which, according to the salesman who’d sold it to me not three weeks before, matched my eyes perfectly.  I never even saw it coming, but on a sunny summer afternoon in broad daylight, I made a left-hand turn into an intersection and sailed right into an oncoming car.  While it was happening - in what seemed like slow-motion hours instead of mere seconds - I could see the guy coming toward me in his little red Honda, looking at me through the windshield absolutely aghast.  I saw the accident coming, and I saw him seeing me see it coming, but neither of us could do a thing to stop it. 

I learned an important lesson about my little blue sedan that day, and that was that in a collision, BMWs are designed to collapse around instead of on their drivers. I didn’t get a scratch on me and, fortunately, the man in the Honda wasn’t hurt either.  My car was another story.  My fresh-off-the-line, steel blue BMW that was so new it didn’t even have the plates on yet. So new I hadn’t figured out how to use the CD player or the in-dash phone.  Here was my ultimate driving machine, less than a month old, and already a total wreck.  I learned another lesson that day, having nothing to do with European auto design.  I learned a lesson about deservedness.  And that, for me, was truly a turning point.

As the halfway mark, Chapter Seven, not coincidentally, is the turning point of this entire book.  We’re about to weave together all the skills you’ve learned so far about how to tap in to your internal voice.  In this chapter, you’ll use that newfound self-awareness as you learn a dynamic method of communication which will allow you integrate the multiple inner messages which you are, by now, beginning to hear loud and clear.  With a simple but extremely effective technique I call Naming & Taming Your Inner Voices, you’ll learn to identify and blend the multiple aspects of your personality into one dynamic integrated being who can communicate with nuance, precision and power.  Before we move on to the Third Step, we’ll take that technique even further, into your day-to-day reality, as you master the art of Inner Voice Communication.  You’ll become adept at making the shift from internal to external as you learn to hear distinct inner voices offering guidance and perspective from different aspects of your personality.  You’ll learn to identify the voice that would be the most appropriate in a specific situation and to externalize that point of view with that aspect of your personality foremost in your communication.  Whether you need to be assertive and direct, gentle and soft-spoken, or open-minded and curious, understanding your inner voices will provide guidance for clear communication.

When I wrecked my new car, my mind was running amok.  One voice was consoling, one was chastising, another analyzing.  It was like an internal tug of war, pulling me in all directions.  Once I sorted out all my voices, I was able to stop being hard on myself for what was, after all, an accident. As I reminded myself to try a little self-compassion, I began to put the collision in perspective.  Granted, it would be paperwork and financial repercussions.  But no one was hurt, I was fully insured, and the car could be fixed. 

So why couldn’t I let my consoling, or at least my analytical, side win out over my chastising voice?  Why was I so convinced I’d done something unforgivable?  Why did I feel I deserved to be punished?  As it turned out, I had plenty of time to ponder just that.

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