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Sex Sells, Or Tries To

I, Fake Jane, say it's time to take a breather from all this talk about Angelo Mozilo flying a Fench tanker, or whatever it is Real Jane keeps blathering about.

How about a little bondage to break up your day? My email inbox is a magnet for items that should make me blush. If I had standards.


First up, Fake Jane's "Product of the Week!"
Call it "going commando without going commando." It's a strapless thong. Sure, what's the point? But WHAT A CONCEPT! Check them out at Shibue Couture and please explain to me how this works without hurting.

Now, girlfriends, one point. They can't be selling oodles of these because the company can't afford to airbrush out the cellulite when the curvaceous models give us a back view. Hey, they still look good. I would kill to look so good, but I am here to judge others, not myself.

Fake Jane
CNBC.com
Fake Jane

Second item: you may never feel comfortable wearing leather again
Last week there was a "Funny Business" post on a legal brothel in Nevada promising extra services for customers paying with their stimulus package checks. Well, bordellos aren't the only sex businesses struggling to find ways to stay afloat during these tough economic times. Now the dominatrix industry is in a bind. Some of the "Dommes" will be tied up Sunday at a fundraiser in New York City. I got invited. Must be my sense of style.

Penthouse's Variations is sponsoring the fundraiser at The Cutting Room. According to the press release, performances include, "Domme Dietrich with Felix the Latex Slave in a fire and suffering rockabilly showdown." Which has got to be better than the time Felix was tragically hurt during the painful roller disco with sharp icicles debacle on "Dancing with the Dommes." (Making that up.) If you don't want to pay full admission--$20--show up in fetish gear for a discount! "All proceeds go to The Dommes of Hidden Chamber in support of their recent trials and tribulations." I'll bet.

Finally, an update on a story CNBC.com "broke" last week. There is a company selling Obama and McCain condoms. Keep America great! We've come a long way since 2004, when the wackiest Presidential tie-in was dog biscuits shaped in the heads of George Bush and John Kerry. Oh, those were innocent times. The condoms are sold by "the lusty patriots at Practice Safe Policy" who encourage Americans to practice safe sex while engaging in Presidential debates to the bedroom, "Where the real game of politics is played."

Here's the update. The minimum order is two condoms. For $19.95. Ten bucks for a condom! Talk about inflation! (Heh. Heh. Inflation. Condoms.) I know someone who works as a safe sex educator/outreach liaison in a rural part of California. She says someone actually called her asking if they could get some free Obama condoms. "Way too rich for our non-profit blood," she replied.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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