Mr. Potato Head

Been so busy covering, well, real news that I haven’t been able to blog about the wonderfully awful things popping up in my email.

So I’ll just tease you with the headlines:

“July 3 Declared First-Ever ‘Naughty America Day’: Celebrate By Being As Naughty As Possible!” This came from NA. No, not Narcotics Anonymous, but a group called Naughty America, which says the Declaration of Independence “is one of the naughtiest documents in human history. It basically tells the king of England to shove it.” But, let’s be honest, isn’t “naughty” something a Brit would be more likely to say than an American?

“COSMETIC SURGERY PROCEDURES TO EXCEED 55 MILLION IN 2015,” blares the headline from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. I bet half will be on people trying to fix previous surgeries.

“Hemp Energy Drink Entrepreneur May Have the Burning Solution to America’s Addition to Imported Oil!”—this from the PR folks repping Dennis Fox, a marijuana activist and President of Dream Green. “Fox is running his own Weed Eater, with a fuel mixture of hemp oil and regular gasoline,” which could get 90 miles to the gallon, though the smell.

“Penned pigs prefer three square meals a day—study” comes the headline from a Swedish group which AMAZINGLY discovered that pigs raised in indoor pens are healthier and grow fatter with three meals a day. I would, too. Apparently feeding them more than three times increases stomach problems. I know what you mean.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
After I blogged about Fake Jane’s Product of the Week from Shibue Couture, which lets you go “commando” without going…commando, I heard from a rival product! COMMANDOS stick to your clothing, not to you. “By the way, going COMMANDOS isn’t a young girl’s game,” wrote the company’s “Commando-in-Chief” Jo Bernard. “Our average age…seems to be in the 30’s all the way up to 80. YES, 80!” Now that’s a visual!

UPDATES: Disneyland sent me the rest of Mr. Potato Head’s body. Whew!

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