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Gas Prices Hit The Oldest Profession (And A Real Cut Above)

Monday, 30 Jun 2008 | 11:09 AM ET

Remember my post on theBunny Ranch brothel offering double the services for those paying with their stimulus checks? That was apparently just the economic version of foreplay. Now comes word that other legal houses of ill-repute in Nevada are offering deals in a down economy.

The Associated Press reports brothel business is off 25 percent in the Silver State, in large part because many brothels are off the beaten path and depend heavily on truckers who are hurting because of high gas prices. The news comes from the Nevada Brother Owners Association--wouldn't you like to go to their annual meeting? Somehow I'm not imagining a Marriott in Boca with drink tickets and cruditès.

The AP says brothels like The Shady Lady Ranch are planning to offer gas cards to customers plus "special monthly discounts," like a 45-minute session for $175 instead of the usual $200. But not all brothels are going bust. Those based near local mining towns are striking gold in these commodity boom times. The manager at Sue's Fantasy Club in Elko, Nevada, says business is up from a year ago. "We would be hurting, too, if we had to depend on truckers," she said.

Shady Lady Ranch
Shady Lady Ranch

'HOLISTIC' CIRCUMCISION IS A CUT ABOVE
A New York "Mohel," or traditional Jewish circumciser, wants to expand his business beyond the Jewish community and cash in on the holistic craze. Cantor Philip Sherman is reaching out to non-Jewish families who want something different than the hospital experience. He calls his "holistic circumcision," (www.holisticcircumcision.com) a kinder and gentler alternative--faster than the hospital procedure and done in the comfort of home.

Sherman even recommends you light candles or play soft music. He had me 'til he got to this part: "The doctor uses an injection or topical creams to anesthetize the baby; the mohel does not use drugs, injections or creams." Ok, I'm not a boy, but no anesthesia does not sound "kinder of gentler" to me! It's like when they tried to talk me out of an epidural during childbirth. I believed them. They lied. It hurt.

'GO' ON THE GO
FAKE JANE'S UNBELIEVABLE PRODUCT OF THE WEEK! A British company has created a portable cardboard toilet. I can't even print the name here, but you can see it for yourself at The Brown Corporation. With apologies to UPS, what can Brown do for you? Well, the product is a $30 14"x14" pop up porta-poopy containing a removable bag which "can take up to 280 pounds of booty without being crushed." I can't even imagine how 280 pounds of..."booty"...can fit into a box slightly larger than a cubic foot. FlashNews reports that creator Mandy Mayes says the pop-up toilet is great for concerts, where the lines to the bathroom are too long (so, like, you just pop it open in the aisle and let her rip in front of everyone?). "You can throw it over your shoulder and carry it wherever you go," Mayes says. Now, there's an idea! "You can also use it as a stool," she adds. Stool, heh, heh.

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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