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Relationship Expert and syndicated radio host Cooper Lawrence answers some viewer questions:
How do I help my spouse get motivated?
Success is all about motivation and motivation is all about planning behaviors. the best way to
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help someone feel motivated is to understand how planning works. Studies show that setting a specific date and time when you will do your task, you are much more likely to get it done. Saturday at 2:00 as opposed to just throwing it on your "to do" list means it is more likely to happen.
My wife is the successful one but I find that as smart as she is she shouldn’t need my help. Am I right?
A major study published in 2007 that found the higher a woman’s IQ the more difficulty she has with confusing or complex tasks. The reason is that smart women have higher expectations of themselves so when they are up against something challenging that they cant solve, it calls their ability into question, it acts as a self-fulfilled prophecy, whereas men are more likely to take a challenging situation as what it is, a challenge to be met and dealt with even if the results are less than stellar. So understanding gender differences can help you motivate your spouse. If you understand the basis for their lack of motivation you know how to council them.
What happens when one spouse is more successful than the other?
Nothing. That’s the ideal, why should it matter? If it does then the issues are not success related by marriage related and individual related. Its more likely that if you feel competitive with your spouse you feel that way towards others in your life and that it is a personal issue, not a marital one. For some one spouse’s success is a metaphor for other issues in the marriage
Remember too that for a lot of marriages in trouble, one spouse may spend extra time at work not because the job or their success depends upon it but instead to avoid conflict at home, or to avoid an unhappy partnership–so if you are using work to avoid your family/spouse you need to address that
Anything on the best way a husband and wife can live and work together?
The key to well-being in this situation is the flexibility of the work itself. Study after study looked at what aspects of the work-family situation made for the best environment. They looked at the job itself, the type of supervision the person had and they found that the only thing that had any probative value was work flexibility. Not only did it ease conflict but also it increased work satisfaction.
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