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Funny Business
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Finally, you learn what GTA means, and life will never be the same (ok, it's still the same, but doesn't that sound like something a television writer would write? Sigh.)
I'll be back Monday to start blogging about happier topics, like the upcoming anniversary of Countrywide's death spiral. I wonder what Mayvene would say about that. Thanks for reading.
EPILOGUE
CU COMPUTER SCREEN
WORDS ARE TYPED ONSCREEN AS YOU HEAR MAYVENE SAY THEM.
MAYVENE (V.O.)
Dear Paula…what a couple of days.
MS MAYVENE AT HER DESK TYPING
MAYVENE (V.O.)
I had a few tense moments with Joann’s
son, Tom, one who is apparently dealing drugs
to senior citizens. He also listens to horrible
music by that guy named after the
M&Ms candy. These rappers keep talking
about hoes. What do they know about hoes?
They’ve never set foot in a garden.
In one song Tom plays they’re talking
about a “high priced hoe.” Reminds me of
the $100 one I saw at Home Depot. Now THAT
was a high priced hoe. Your father couldn’t
believe it.
She looks at picture of her late husband. Then resumes typing.
MAYVENE (V.O.)
I do miss your dad. Your father used to
say I took everything much too seriously.
I’ll never forget the day Neil died…
She pauses, looks at what she’s just written, and
starts laughing.
CU COMPUTER SCREEN
The last sentence fragment about “the day Neil died” is highlighted and deleted. Then MAYVENE resumes typing.
MAYVENE (V.O.)
By the way, if I ever start talking
about the day your father died, please
shoot me like a rabid dog. I’ll see
you tonight for dinner. Love, Mom.
SOUND: AMBULANCE SIREN
MAYVENE looks out the window and sighs. Then resumes typing.
MAYVENE (V.O.)
P.S. The body snatchers are back.
She shakes her head, and clicks “send,” then gets up to
go investigate.
END OF EPILOGUE
OVER CREDITS:
PARK AT CONDO COMPLEX
PARAMEDIC BRIAN, MIRIAM, ANDY AND RON SIT ON BENCH. IRMA SITS IN HER WHEELCHAIR, WITH NURSE CLAIRE NEARBY. ALL ARE LOOKING AHEAD AT SOMETHING, MOST DRINKING COFFEE. BRIAN HAS POPCORN.
RON
I say … mild stroke!
MIRIAM
No, no. Bad hip replacement.
IRMA
I agree.
CLAIRE
Bad drug reaction.
ANDY
I say Claire’s right.
PARAMEDIC BRIAN
You’re all wrong. Gallstones.
MS ELDERLY MAN STRUGGLES TO WALK ACROSS THE PARK.
This is whom they’ve been staring at.
RON
How do you know?
PARAMEDIC BRIAN
I know.
SHOREH walks by.
SHOREH
What are you guys doing?
RON
We’re playing GTA.
SHOREH
(stifling a sob)
GTA?
MIRIAM
“Guess The Affliction.” We’re trying
to figure out what’s wrong with the
new guy who just moved in. Shoreh, don’t
start crying. (hands her a Kleenex)
SHOREH chokes down sobs, ponders the man struggling to walk, then forces her way onto the bench with the others, fully in control of her emotions and reaching for some popcorn.
SHOREH
I know what’s bothering him. Bad
gas, had it myself this morning.
FADE TO BLACK
THE END
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