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Starbucks Faces "Coffee War" And Several New "Fakes"

Coffee Wars
CNBC.com
Coffee Wars

For those who follow Starbucks as an economic indicator, here's the latest drip of coffee news beyond the planned store closings. Through Labor Day, Starbucks (I like to call the chain "Buckies") is offering HALF OFF on grande iced coffee drinks after 2p, but only if you bring in a receipt proving you bought a Starbucks coffee that same morning. So it's really an attempt to boost many consumers' daily 'Buck-age by cloaking it as a discount. Still, the afternoon iced joe will cost $2 instead of $4, and that's a deal by Buckie's standards.

This is no surprise. It's brutal out there, even in half-caf-extra-shot-no-whip Beverly Hills. On Beverly Drive you can find just about every specialty coffee chain in America: Peet's, Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, and Starbucks.

Recently, I was walking to the Buckies on Beverly but stopped 20 feet before I got there when I saw a sign: "Coffee Wars!" It was in front of the Leonidas Chocolate and Cafe, a local chain offering half off on all coffee drinks before 9am. Well, I bit. And I wasn't alone. By the time I walked out with my cafe mocha, the line was nearly out the door. It was the longest coffee line on the block. Even in BH they're looking to save a couple (non-Star) bucks these days.

FAKE JANE VOTING FOR PARIS HILTON
Paris' energy policy makes a lot of sense.But while Fake Jane discovered Paris' fake campaign video on the Funny or Die website, she also found some hilarious fake environmentalists in the "Green Team." (warning: adult language).

Fake Jane
CNBC.com
Fake Jane

Seems this whole "Fake" thing has legs. Blogger Heather Holloway interviewed Fake McCain and Fake Obama. Here's part of that chat:

"I recently asked Fake John McCain and Fake Barack Obama some important questions about the real issues. What are they going to do if they lose the race?

Fake Obama says, 'I have been working really hard. If I lose, I want to continue working hard but in a different way. I am going to use my new celebrity status to join the cast of Chicago on Broadway as Billy Flynn. It's not going to be easy but I can do it. Richard Gere made it look so simple in the movie...I have been listening to the soundtrack on the campaign trail to familiarize myself with the music just in case. Who am I kidding? I know the whole thing by heart...'

Fake McCain says, 'I have been working so hard on the campaign and I know if I win it will only get worse. I have big plans if Fake Obama wins. I have been talking to Fake Bill Clinton and he is tired of the rat race as well. Fake Bill and I want to be free. Free to go where we please and do whatever we want. No meetings, no press conferences and no policy.

We decided that if Fake Obama wins we would ditch our wives, form a jazz duo and go on the road. Fake Bill will play the sax of course and I will sing Billie Holiday tribute songs. The set list will definitely include The Man I Love and God Bless the Child, sung in honor of Fake Obama of course...To be completely honest, it doesn't matter much what my plans are if I lose the race. As soon as we get home Fake Cindy will give me the death stare with her creepy ice blue eyes and that will be the end of me.'"

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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