Skip navigation
MOST POPULAR RELATED TAGS
  • TOPICS
  • SECTORS
  • COMPANIES
Funny Business Video Gallery
Stretching for profits, with Christine Day, LuluLemon CEO and CNBC's Jane Wells.
Insight on luxury spending in a poor economy, with Karen Katz, Neiman Marcus CEO and CNBC's Jane Wells.

SQUAWK BOX VIDEO

» More

Current DateTime: 04:47:00 16 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 31388230
Expiration DateTime: 11/16/2009 4:48:10 PM

RSS FEED

» Help

Current DateTime: 04:47:01 16 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 31388237
Expiration DateTime: 11/16/2009 4:48:17 PM
powered by digg

Funny Business

Text Size
Oct.09
4:13 PM ET
Thursday, 9 Oct 2008
New Definitions For A "New" Type Of Stock Market
Posted By:Jane Wells

The market leaving you speechless? Here's a new market vocabulary making the rounds. My favorite is the new definition of "profit."

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Chief Fraud Officer.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email

© 2009 CNBC, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Tools:
PrintEmailAdd This share icon
  • digg share
ADD COMMENTS
Remaining characters


Current DateTime: 01:12:16 16 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 29778428

Current DateTime: 10:28:53 16 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 29779196

Current DateTime: 04:01:03 16 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 29779199

Current DateTime: 10:42:55 16 Nov 2009
LinksList Documentid: 29779198
  Data is a real-time snapshot  *Data is delayed at least 15 minutes
Global Business and Financial News, Stock Quotes, and Market Data and Analysis

© 2009 CNBC, Inc.  All Rights Reserved.
A Division of NBC Universal
Thomson ReutersThomson Reuters