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Funny Business
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The hits keep coming from readers posing as those in power apologizing for the financial meltdown. It's all very cathartic (and, of course, there will be a prize of some sort when I pick a winner):
Funny Business Comments: |
From David Thomas:
"I’m sorry you lost your job on our Bond Desk in Manhattan where you worked eighty hour weeks. I am sorry you missed the first two years of your son’s life working for me. I’m sorry you had to pick up your family and move. I wanted to let you know, my family and I will be thinking of you! Yes, you! We will be thinking of you while on vacation. We will be thinking of you while we have our drinks at the country club. We will be thinking of you in our chalet in the mountains strapping on our skis. I can’t say my daughter will be thinking of you while I buy her the new luxury sedan, but I, yes I will be thinking of you!"
From John Rohmiller:
"Dear American People,
We’re sorry the big bad Bush administration didn’t make us act responsibly.
But we’ll make it up to you by finding someone to punish.
Sincerely,
Christopher and Barney"
From Tony Schneider:
"As outgoing CEO of this company, I must apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused to the world financial markets and people for any of my possible oversights. I also feel compelled to set the record straight on a number of points so that people may have a better understanding of my own suffering. There has been much media attention, unwarranted in my opinion, about executive compensation. While there may be some isolated instances of excesses, you can rest assured that this was not the case with me. My salary and bonuses only amounted to some 300 times our average employee’s, much less than the industry standard of 500 times. I apologize to all the employees who lost their jobs. I certainly understand your hardship as I am also losing my job. And to the shareholders of this once great company I also extend my condolences. No one understands your frustration more than me. Such was my belief in this company that I still retain fully 15% of all the stock options afforded to me as part of my compensation package. I will have much time at my chateau to ponder what I might have done differently to affect a more successful outcome.
Thank you.
CEO"
From Andrew Gilmore:
"From the whole lot of us – we’re really sorry we shafted you this way but look on the bright side – you’re all invested in the market now and that can only be a good thing."
From Andrew Punch:
"Dear Fellow Citizens,
I am sorry. You were a fool for trusting anybody that lives in New York with your money. Have you seen the rents here?
With Love,
Fake CEO"
- How Your Fake CEOs Say "I'm Sorry" (Pt 5) And Make Money
- Your Fake CEOs Say "I'm Sorry" As Art (Pt 4)
- Your Fake CEO Apologies (Pt 6) From A "Real" Fake CEO
- How Your Fake CEOs Say "I'm Sorry" (Pt 2) With Pictures
- How Your Fake CEOs Say "I'm Sorry" (Pt 1)
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