Funny Business

Thinking of ways to profit from disaster is keeping America great! The latest ingenious product hitting the market this week is the Wall Street Coffin.

For $35, you can order a wood coffin filled with actual shredded money and a plaque of your choice, including "R.I.P. Lehman Bros., 1885-2008", and "R.I.P. Bear Stearns, 1923-2008." For an extra $5, you can customize the plaque. Maybe "R.I.P. Jane's 401k", or "R.I.P. Jane's GE Stock Options with a $28 Strike Price."

Source: wallstreetcoffin.com A Wall Street Coffin

The coffins are made by Jist Enterprises in Westfield, New Jersey. The owner, who describes himself as "a regular working stiff" says on the web site: "As a citizen of the United States, I’m disgusted! I’m disgusted that our financial institutions have failed us so dramatically and that our government has allowed this crisis to evolve...What can I do? I can sell this little Wall Street Coffin and donate 15% of the proceeds to some good charities that help people through difficult times."

I was reading about all this on my BlackBerry this morning while I was driving (don't do this), and I misread the info. I thought it was a full-sized coffin and couldn't believe you could buy one for only $35! So I called the company. I was wrong.

Instead of being 6.5 feet long, the Wall Street Coffin is only 6.5 inches long. Which sort of makes since given the way the market has shrunk. Jist tells me they've sold "dozens" since hitting the market this week. And, as stated, 15 percent of profits to charities like Habitat for Humanity. Hey, maybe they can build a new house for angry Merrill Lynch financial advisors.

MORE EMAILS ON THE MERRILL LYNCH RETENTION PACKAGES

Funny Business Comments:

Outrage expressed for and against the Merrill financial advisors allegedly "insulted" by the retention packages being offered by Bank of America continues.

Carri Degenhardt is a recruiter of financial advisors out of Jersey City, NJ: "A lot of the numbers you are stating about competing firms and Mer are a bit off...I will tell you this though...as a whole, the numbers offered by Ken Lewis are pretty low. More importantly, it's the language within in the retention documents themselves that are the real problem."

From "Anonymous": "Let me follow the money. Merrill can't manage its balance sheet. Bank of America buys Merrill. U.S. Govt gives $25 billion to Bank of America. U.S. Taxpayers fund the government. Merrill client gets to pay taxes (thereby funding Merrill brokers compensation) and pay their broker commissions. The advice they get is from a company that could not navigate their own financial destiny. Any of this sound funny?"

From Richard H: "I do not doubt that the MER brass are self serving rascals, but if you can't confirm the statements why do you publish them? The credibility problem seems to be yours."

From Greg W.: "Let's see: a high paying job with bonus and insurance...or unemployment. Don't help me, I'll figure this out eventually. A few weeks or a month ago, they were worried about having a job and the firm surviving; today, bitching and griping. These guys got stones."

From Tara W.: "Where is the outrage at the homeowner who sat across the desk from the mortgage broker and lied about how much home they could afford? Or the outrage at the mortgage brokers who wrote the contracts and then bundled them up and sold them to the investment banks as good investments? Everyone always wants to point the finger at the easiest target. Why should someone who did their job and had nothing to do with this mess be penalized? That is like coming into a company where the boss embezzled money and shooting the boy who delivers the mail. There are so many employees at Merrill and other firms that did a good job and had nothing to do with this mess."

MY BROCCOLI PACKAGE!
Here is the picture of the package of Cascadian Farm frozen broccoli I bought last night. My earlier post says General Mills told some bloggers inserting faces is a long-standing practice that will soon discontinue. I thought there were only four faces peering out at me, but on closer examination, there are five. As colleague Constance Parten said, "It's like Cabbage Patch kids meet Children of the Corn at your local grocer."

CNBC.com Cascadian Farm Frozen Broccoli Package

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