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Funny Business
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An estimated 20 million Americans have visited online dating sites--though that number sounds low to me. Increasingly, the "meet and greet" is happening on social networking sites like Facebook and not at sites where you pay a subscription. Some online "experts" suggest the next big thing will be virtual dating--like in Second Life--where your avatars get together, maybe get married, raise kids, get divorced....
Unfortunately, the pitches people write to sell themselves as potential mates have not evolved much. Jason Jepson at Rewashed News has provided this primer on how to decode virtual date-speak. Here's his take:
They write: I am laid back (chill, easy going - you get it) They mean: I am lazy. I burn hippie lettuce/the tree, chill in my room or in from of the TV and never, ever do my laundry. I am also a bit passive aggressive....
They write: I am really creative and funny The mean: I am not funny nor creative. If I had one of these traits I would be able to show it without writing that I am funny and creative....
They write: I am independent
They mean: I am controlling, set in my ways and addicted to the Internet, Facebook and Myspace. Long distance works for me...
They write: OH my gosh, I cannot believe I am doing this...
They mean: I am really embarrassed to be on this site and part of me will never see you in a good light because I met you on this pathetic site. In fact, I am not committed to this dating this at all. I am also insecure and would die of shame if any of my friends had any idea I was here trolling for someone. So, lets go get a drink...
They write: I want my lover to be my friend They mean: I watch endless amounts of chick flicks, I stick you with meaningless hallmark cards and my friends are losers so I need new ones
They write: I have eclectic musical and movie taste They mean: I hope you never find out that I know all the words to Mama Mia, I love Mr. Big and Firehouse and one year I went to Burning Man but for only half a day - it was just too hot...
They write: I love sunsets and long walks on the beach They mean: I have no imagination and have no idea what I like so I am using something everyone uses... I am lame...
They write: I am searching for a soul mate They mean: I will be your future stalker if you ever take me out and then break up with me....If you reject me I will follow till the day you or I die...
They write: I love life
They mean: I am fat, stay at home reading books and eating chocolate... Everyone in the romance novels loves life and so do all the people on the Fabulous life on VH1
They write: No players, no head games
They mean: I hate the opposite sex, I have been burned and come with more luggage then you can bare... I am also super needy and very insecure, hold me... Never, ever let me go
They write: I love spending time with friends They mean: I don't have any friends, will you be my friend????
They write: I am athletic
They mean: I am thick, on the fat side of thick not the muscular side
They write: I just love a great sense of humor They mean: I don't really know what I want but everyone on this site mentions a great sense of humor...
They write: I am happy and go lucky
They mean: I will laugh a bit too hard and long at your jokes, it will scare you and you will go to the restroom and then sneak away from our date. I will follow you home and wait for you at your front door.... hold me.
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