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Funny Business
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Here's more proof we are entering the end of days.
London bankers feeling depressed about the future of Barclays [BCS
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] or HSBC [HBC
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] can now take out their stress in a new gym workout.
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Gymbox |
These "human weights" come in all shapes and sizes, and, as a bonus, they'll shout encouragement while you lift them. "You can do it!" is what you may hear doing curls lifting Arti Shah, aka the "Dainty Diva", a dwarf who weighs 66 pounds. "Dig deep!" may be the cry from "Super Human" Matt Barnard as you bench press all 340 pounds of him. Ok, assuming you can even lift 340 pounds, there is much to determine ahead of time. Do you bench press him face up so he doesn't barf on you if you grab in the wrong place? Face down so he can shout (spray) his motivational phrases directly into your face? And how do you strip these weights? (heh heh.)
Gymbox, known for its wacky workouts, believes members lifting up humans instead of cold, hard metal "will see better results...(it's) the ultimate embodiment of visualisation theory." I just can't visualize where to put my hands on these people...
THE CHUNKY SOUP CURSE
As I was watching the Philadelphia Eagles lose last weekend, I kept thinking, "Poor Mrs. McNabb."
I feel like I know her, after watching all those Campbell Chunky Soup commercials where she motivates her son and his team on to glory. Now, however, I'm learning why Donovan McNabb has never won a Super Bowl ring--and it has nothing to do with ability. McNabb apparently suffers from the "Campbell Soup" curse.
Apparently, it's a long-held belief than any NFL athlete who endorses Campbell's Chunky Soups ends up choking in the Super Bowl. Campbell's [CPB
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] doesn't buy the theory, but in an abundance of caution, it is sending the mayors of Pittsburgh and Glendale, AZ "good luck baskets" containing shamrocks, rabbits' feet, horseshoes...and soup. No, not the soup! The baskets may be needed to "ward off" any curse, as both Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger and Cardinals QB Kurt Warner have both endorsed Chunky Soups in the past. Well, at least that levels the playing field.
TURNING SWORDS INTO PLOWSHARES
There may be a new market for Monsanto: [MON
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] Afghanistan!
Today the Defense Department will discuss National Guard Agricultural Development Teams (ADT) heading to that war-torn country. "Soldier and airmen-farmers from Missouri, Texas, Nebraska, Indiana, Tennessee, Kansas, Kentucky and Oklahoma are scheduled to participate in the ADT program in Afghanistan this year," says the Pentagon press release.
This could be an interesting effort to win over hearts and minds, and I hope it works.
The Defense Department says more than 7 out of ten Afghans are farmers, and agriculture makes up nearly half the country's gross domestic product. The ADT program will train farmers in things like irrigation and animal husbandry, but the Pentagon neglected to mention the 800-pound opium poppy in the room. I can only assume the Guard will try to convince Afghan farmers to grow something other than their crop of choice. Maybe they can grow corn (for ethanol!), though they won't be able to sell it in the U.S. without paying a steep tariff.
DUSTIN HOFFMAN AS BERNIE MADOFF
Regarding yesterday's post on the fake Bernie Madoff film "starring" Dustin Hoffman, Ken T. writes:
"I would have thought that Mel Brooks would have been a better choice for the role of Big Bern in 'Dr. Bernie - or how I learned to stop worrying and love the systemic collapse'. Or maybe even Peter Sellers - you could just splice in old footage and no one would know. Or just use the last Pink Panther movie which was just spliced footage anyway - people still wouldn't know!"
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CNBC.com Bernie Maddoff and Mel Brooks |
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