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THAIN THE PAIN
Our first nominee is former Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain, who balked this week at answering questions about the multi-billion dollar bonuses he handed out before Bank of America [BAC
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] CEO Ken Lewis showed him the door. Thain used to have a lot of good will on Wall Street. Soon, Good Will may be where all of Wall Street shops...
PITY GROUP
Nominee #2 is Citigroup [C
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], because $45 billion of taxpayer money isn't enough.
BARACK AND BOBBY
We have a tie for our third nomination--President Barack Obama and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal. In one corner, President Obama wants to raise taxes by more than $300 billion, which is $1,000 for every American, except not every American will have to pay. In the other corner, Gov. Jindal criticized government spending, even though his state has been on the dole since the Louisiana Purchase.
PROJECT RUN AWAY
Sophia Loren is one of the most beautiful women Hollywood has ever seen, but we're nominating whomever designed her Oscar gown. I can only imagine how much it cost, and it cost too much.
VIVID NIGHTMARE
In the business of adult movies, we're nominating Vivid Entertainment for offering octuplets mom Nadya Suleman $1 million to star in a porn movie. As proof that the idea is, well, unthinkable, even by porn standards, a rival porn company, Pink Visual, reportedly offered Suleman a year's worth of diapers if she'll keep her clothes on, please.
YOU CON?
The state of Connecticut has a $2 billion deficit, and its highest paid employee is UConn basketball coach Jim Calhoun. When asked if he might consider a cut to his reported $1.6 million salary, Calhoun replied, "My best advice to you, shut up."
THE WINNERS ARE...MORE MINI MADOFFS?
The Call of Shame winners are hedge fund managers Paul Greenwood and Stephen Walsh!. The two are accused of ripping off investors (stop me if you've heard this one before). A reminder—these two remain innocent until proven guilty, but investigators claim the pair took more than $500 million in investor funds to help support a lifestyle that consisted of mansions--including one for an ex-wife—a horse farm, and an $80,000 collector teddy bear. I bet they're holding that teddy pretty tightly at the moment.
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