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Your Verdicts For Madoff

Bernie Madoff
CNBC.com
Bernie Madoff

Only a few more hours to submit your creative suggestions for Bernard Madoff's sentence.

Remember, nothing above a PG-13 rating!

I will stop taking submissions once court ends Thursday.

Then I will choose what I consider the top ten ideas (hey, it's my blog) and put them up for a vote.

The winner will receive a few rolls of Bernie Madoff toilet paper.

Some of the latest suggestions:

Dale N.:"Two hundreds lectures to be made by Mr. Madoff all across the country about why he did it, while only wearing a jockstrap. Question and answer sessions following. All proceeds go to a relief fund. Then 75 years in jail."

Jeff L:"Give him life…and then life support. We can watch him pay for generations."

Barrett Y.'s suggestion reminds me of an old "Seinfeld" episode: "He should be forced to watch 'The English Patient' 500,000,000,000,000 times in loop!"

Theo K.: "Drop him and his wife into the sewers of Long Island, close the hole, and see if they can make it back to Manhattan. It's just a big stinky puzzle. A smart man like that should find something to eat and drink on the way back, in a couple of months."

Michael C:"He should be sentenced to work for Tim Geithner since no one else wants to."

Walter A:"Mr. Madoff should be sentenced to hard labor, making small rocks out of big rocks and letting victims volunteer to observe. They will be in charge of quality control to make sure the job is done to their satisfaction."

John H:"Make him live with Sarah Palin or Ann Coulter."

Bob K. brought up a common theme in your emails: "Just like the mob knows, the way to punish him is through his sons. His wife, his two sons and his grandchildren should all live like us working stiffs. They should go to public schools and stay awake at night worrying about health insurance and college tuitions."

Gene W.: "I think he should have to go ice fishing with the boys from Pittsfield Maine. We're going this weekend, after all. And as soon as we have him drill the holes in the ice, we would all look at each other and ask if anyone remembered to buy the bait. And then we would all stare at Madoff with that 'well, we have to make do with what we brought' look. He'll crack and tell us where the money is, or we'll show him where the fish are."

John T. expresses another common sentiment in some emails: "We should pray for him. We should condemn the sin and not the sinner, because what ever punishment he receives here on earth is going to seem like a walk in the park compared to what may be waiting for him."

Bill S.:"His sentence should be cleaning urinals and toilets. That way, he will understand, first hand, what it's like to be --it on."

Mark S., in a longer email, neatly summarizes hundreds of ideas you've submitted, putting them all into one "schedule": "I would consign him to live in a cardboard lean-to under a freeway bridge in New York City in the winter, and in hot, humid, mosquito infested Houston, Texas in the summer... For four hours each morning Madoff should be forced to scrounge for his food in the dumpsters and garbage cans of New York and Houston. He should also be forced to get his clothing from either the dumpsters or from a homeless shelter... He should be forced to work uncompensated for six hours each day for the Securities and Exchange Commission helping this agency to uncover other frauds and Ponzi schemes as I am sure we have only uncovered the tip of the iceberg. After getting off work he should be allowed to shower and shave at a homeless shelter. From six to nine o'clock each evening he should be forced to watch recorded videos of pictures and audio stories of what happened to the thousands of people he scammed and took advantage of... I would allow him to spend his entertainment hour each evening in 'stimulating intellectual' conversation with other homeless street people if he chose to do so. In short, I would consign him to the very life he has consigned his victims to for the rest of his life."

"PUT HIM IN CHARGE OF SOCIAL SECURITY"

More emailed suggestions for Bernard Madoff's sentence as part of our Funny Business contest.

Many of you have suggested Madoff be sent to Gitmo and waterboarded.

Others think he should "man the toilets in Mumbai" like the kid in "Slumdog Millionaire".

And we continue to get suggestions for certain pay-per-view events which I can't mention on a family website.

Here are some thoughts from readers:

William S.: "Tie him to a pole in Baghdad wearing a NY Yankee's shirt and a Salmon Rushdie ball cap."

Eric S.: "He has to write 50 billion times, 'I am a dirty, rotten, good-for-nothing scumbag' on a PC running Windows and if he gets a blue screen he has to start all over."

From Steve J., who says he lost some money to Madoff: "Let his life sentence be community service in the Gaza Strip. I would say that his actual sentence would be pretty short..."

Gary had a suggestion I heard from a few others: "Put Bernie in charge of the Social Security System, he already has experience running a Ponzi scheme."

Rob O.:"Pretty simple, he should sent to exile in Buffalo, New York. There he should be forced to follow around Terrell Owens (T.O.) 24/7. Would be great to see these two egomaniacs be forced to live together."

From WW in Vegas: "Put Madoff in a stock at the busiest freeway offramp in the country. Set up a booth just ahead that sells tomatoes for $5 each. All proceeds go to the folks this filthy thief ripped off..."

Bill K. merely sent the attached image of a stockade (a popular idea in many of your emails)

"SEND HIM TO AFGHANISTAN TO FIND BIN LADEN"

ML:"I'm a Marine. I would love to see him work for the military for e-1 wages for the rest of his life and live in government quarters.."

KD:"Place him in a Pope-mobile like vehicle and, on foot, carry him around NYC's, LA's, and Miami's exclusive restaurants and clubs. Let the vehicle stay for 30 minutes at each place and also place in it a sound amplifying machine."

Jayme K. says any tour should make money: "They should put him in a glass bubble and make him tour every city in the world wearing a prison uniform that says "Lonely, Pathetic and Shameful"...they should open the glass bubble at each stop and let people egg him for a nominal fee of $1. This would bring a new meaning of having 'egg on your face'. The investors could recoup billions of dollars over the next several years..."

Bill T:"Instead of sentencing him to incarceration time, sentence him to a given number of kilowatt hours, Put a treadmill in his cell, and let him generate electricity for the publicly owned Bonneville Power Commission as a positive contribution toward the common good."

Paul T:"From his cell in prison give him the task of counting, sorting by date, and rolling 50 billion pennies. That should take about 150 years..."

Matthew R.:"We could just abandon him in Afghanistan to find Osama Bin Laden - he seems to have a nose for finding money charitably given..."

Robert G. "Bernie Madoff should be referred to as 'bowel movement' from now on."

Juan O:"No doubt he should manage TARP III."

"MAKE HIM THE OCTUPLET MOM'S NANNY"

An earlier post:

We've received hundreds of emails for our contest suggesting the most creative sentence for Bernard Madoff, assuming he does, in fact, plead guilty Thursday.

Nearly everyone suggests selling off all of his family's assets and dividing the proceeds among victims, with the poorest victims getting paid first.

A lot of you suggest that he be forced to live on the streets, work in homeless shelters, or work for his victims.

Many say he should be forced to work at McDonalds, clean toilets or pick up garbage—which, well, gives a bad name to the hard-working people who do those jobs!

And, yes, many of you wish death—or worse—on him.

Here are some of the more creative entries. I'll continue to take submissions through the end of the court session tomorrow, then I'll put up a few of the most creative for a vote. The winner receives Bernie Madoff toilet paper.

David M. was among those suggesting this unusual sentence: "He must live out the remainder of his life as the nanny for 'the octuplet mom'."

Nico D: "Madoff should be forced to work at the DMV for the rest of his life...we all know how miserable it is there."

Tinman:"Ten minutes alone in a room with the investors he cheated."

Many of you suggested reality TV shows, like this one from Larry in Portland: "I think Bernie should be fitted with a GPS ankle locator and a helmet cam that will broadcast his location 24/7 on the internet. Then release him somewhere in the Midwest with his AARP card and $16 cash. An online pool could sell tickets where people could guess the exact time and date of his demise with proceeds benefiting victims. Mark Burnett might even turn it into a reality show."

"MAKE IT A REALITY SHOW"

From Joe E.:"Give him $1000, a one week head start and then send out the hunters. Make it a reality show with all commercial sales going to the victims."

Or this idea from Aaron H: "Take $50 billion in $100 bills and place them in several dump trucks in the center of Time Square. At midnight, dump the bills over Madoff's head and if he survives, he walks. Televise the event, of course."

Pat in MD was the first to come up with this popular idea: "Mr. Madoff could be the new Wal-Mart greeter! I hear Wal-Mart is hiring! Sometimes that place feels like a jail when it's packed!"

Chuck S.: "We should bail him out with billions of tax payer money, send him to the Ritz Carlton for a relaxing spa treatment and massage. Then make sure he gives himself, and any and all employees Huge bonuses because if we don't, the world as we know it will end and our lives will be financially ruined (forget that they already are)..."

Brian K."...They should eat Arby's for the rest of their lives. Prison food may be better. He and his wife should mop floors or be a waiter at one of the fancy country clubs he used to belong to. So he can see how hard it is to make a buck."

Michael P: "Mr. Madoff should receive no jail time but should be forced to live under very moderate means within the Jewish communities he fleeced. The fear of the unknown would eventually drive him crazy."

Ben C.: "He can't clean up the mess he made but he can clean up: Require that he report to work Monday through Friday for the rest of his life as a janitor at NASDAQ. Low wage, no benefits. Wearing of name tag required."

Pete S:"I think they should take him out of jail every day to go clean the toilets of people he ripped off. I would leave him a nice deposit."

Brent G: "Get him performing 'hard labor' on those infrastructure projects - operate a jackhammer, carry heavy loads of building materials, bridge repairs, whatever. Keep him working until he drops. The sooner the better. At least we all get something out of it."

Richard F.:"He is to appear at a public place to which all are invited. Madoff will be required to answer all questions posed to him by any member of the public. If he doesn't answer, he doesn't get fed."

Tomgo:"Fifteen years in same cell with chimpanzee."

From P: "Sentence: 50 billion years."

"MAKE HIM EAT BENJAMINS" More Of Your Verdicts....

I have apparently touched a nerve.

The Funny Business contestfor most creative prison sentence for Bernard Madoff has gotten a huge response. Keep 'em coming!

Many of you have suggested the death penalty, a public execution, having him share a cell with a very big and needy man, and Nathan M. suggests a public stoning.

All very worthy suggestions.

But, again, winning nominees need to be no more violent than PG-13.

Here are a few your ideas:

Doug T. believes Madoff should be force-fed a diet of the very thing he ate up...money: "He should be made to eat Benjamins until his pampered gut explodes."

Jim B.: "I think we should just release him. He lost money for the Russian oligarchs and possibly the Russian mob. There's really nowhere to go to hide from those guys. Bon voyage Bernie!"

Bob in Indiana: "I am sure he will go to Club Med Prison for criminals...He and his wife should be reduced to only being able play one round of golf a day, one bottle of wine with dinner, no pre-meal cocktails, single serving appetizers, no dessert. Room service reduced to once a week, no evening pillow turn down. Whatever punishment he gets will not be enough for the crime he committed."

Scott H.:"An appointment as Secretary of (Treasury) in the Obama Administration, since they clearly share the same philosophy of wealth expropriation."

Matt M. says give him five years: "Where is the SEC on this deal? Madoff had a firm that allegedly controlled that much money and we (SEC) don't have one guy assigned? WTF? They are the ones who should be on trial."

Richard P.: "Sentence him to life working everyday for the SEC, finding people just like him who haven't been found yet...Give him leave to go walk in Central Park for an hour everytime he finds another crook, and leave to go to a very good restaurant for dinner everytime he turns up somebody who whacked the public for upwards of $100,000,000. Other performance bonuses can be created. Never mind his rotting in jail; it might feel good, but does nothing for us but force us to feed him. He's very smart, very experienced, and we should put him to work catching people just like him."

Many of you suggested that Madoff get daily visits from his victims who can confront him face to face.

But others, like Menla S., took it a step further: "I see a new tourist attraction for Times Square-let's put Bernie in a cage/cell-visible to all. Charge a fee for permission to approach the cage and make a statement directly to the fiend's face. Money earned would go to a fund set up for his victims. Even better, put the wife in there with him, before she makes a deal and appears in her own reality show."

Port C. one-ups that idea: "He should be put in a plexiglass box structure suspended from a cable. In this clear, totally see-through box he and his wife will exist without any clothing. Food will drop in from the top. There will be no mail or television or communication. Everyone in society will see what happens when you do what he did. What happens when you strip someone of their trust, hope and lifes hard work. He and his wife will exist in there without any privacy, decency etc. No blankets, sheets or anything to hide their nakedness. Just like he did to his victims."

Bruce S.:"Sentence him to the full 150 years but tell him he gets to reduce the sentence by 3 years for every $1 Billion he pays back. If he comes up with the $50 Billion he gets out of jail..."

Ron F. suggests, among other things: · Allow people who have lost their entire savings/ investments to "Time Share" Madoff's luxury $7 Million Dollar Home. · Have Madoff's wife be the "Housekeeper" and caterer for All the people who "Time Share" Madoff's former home. · Madoff himself, should be immediately put in a Chain Gang somewhere deep in Tennessee "breaking rock" for the rest of his day's

"Naperville":"I think we should trade him to the Palestinians for Israeli soldiers."

Don S. "How about we turn Madoff over to Jack Bauer from the show '24' to torture his a** into telling where all the money went and who else was involved..."

Robert F."Take him up to Canada, in the middle of the woods, strip him down, tie him to a tree, and rub honey on his a**."

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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