Here are the ten finalists in our contest for the most creative sentence for Bernard Madoff.
Many of you sent in similar ideas, but I've chosen those who either came up with a particular idea first, or fleshed the idea out most creatively. I've been overwhelmed by the responses, and I hope this little exercise helped people let off steam.
Voting ends at the close of the market today and then I will announce the winner.
And the nominees are...
1) "Tie him to a pole in Bagdad wearing a NY Yankee's shirt and a Salmon Rushdie ball cap."
2) "He should be made to eat Benjamins ($100 bills) until his pampered gut explodes."
3) "I think we should just release him. He lost money for the Russian oligarchs and possibly the Russian mob. There's really nowhere to go to hide from those guys. Bon voyage Bernie!"
4) "Sentence him to life working everyday for the SEC, finding people just like him who haven't been found yet...Give him leave to go walk in Central Park for an hour everytime he finds another crook, and leave to go to a very good restaurant for dinner everytime he turns up somebody who whacked the public for upwards of $100,000,000. Other performance bonuses can be created. Never mind his rotting in jail; it might feel good, but does nothing for us but force us to feed him. He's very smart, very experienced, and we should put him to work catching people just like him."
5) "I think we should trade him to the Palestinians for Israeli soldiers."
6) "Ten minutes alone in a room with the investors he cheated."
7) "Mr. Madoff could be the new Wal-Mart greeter! I hear Wal-Mart is hiring! Sometimes that place feels like a jail when it's packed!"
8) "Get him performing 'hard labor' on those infrastructure projects - operate a jackhammer, carry heavy loads of building materials, bridge repairs, whatever. Keep him working until he drops. The sooner the better. At least we all get something out of it."
9) "They should put him in a glass bubble and make him tour every city in the world wearing a prison uniform that says "Lonely, Pathetic and Shameful"...they should open the glass bubble at each stop and let people egg him for a nominal fee of $1. This would bring a new meaning of having 'egg on your face'. The investors could recoup billions of dollars over the next several years..."
10) "Fifteen years in same cell with chimpanzee."
Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email firstname.lastname@example.org