There Must Be A Pony In Here Somewhere
- Start-Up Proves Everything Really Is Better With Bacon
- Microsoft Store Employees Bust Out the Electric Cringe
- Madoff Auction: $4,750 for a Decoy Duck?
- The Bra That Doubles as a Putting Green
- This Town Will Pay YOU $10,000 to Buy a House
- Motorized Chair Formerly Known as La-Z-Boy Sells for $11,000
- CEOs Are Hilarious!
- We’ve Found the Green Shoots—in an Old Bank?
- Rock Band Weezer Uses Snuggie to Promote New Album
MOST SHARED
- The 'Real' Jobless Rate: 17.5% Of Workers Are Unemployed
- US Home Prices Up 5th Month, 2nd Straight Quarter
- GM's Agreement to Sell Saab To Swedish Firm Falls Apart
- Buyers Look For Bargains At Luxury Condo Auction
- FDIC Fund Falls into The Red, Bair Urges Lending
- Revised GDP Reading Puts Growth at 2.8%; Inflation Tame
- Weak Dollar Is Golden for Mining Companies
- Behind The Scenes With Warren Buffett
- CA "More Profitable" After Saving Energy: CEO
- Silicon Valley and Hollywood Now Fast Friends
- Markets Can Rise 5-10% in the Near-Term: Strategist
- Busch: The Debt-Interest Rate Paradox
- The Lloyd's Prayer, Leggo My Eggo, Plate Hate & Your Emails
- Buy These 'Competitively Positioned' Stocks: Portfolio Manager
- Behind The Scenes With Warren Buffett
- 'Why the American Consumer Will Keep on Buying No Matter What'
- On Assignment: Europe & Asia
- The L.A. Extravaganza: A Test for Auto Shows
- GM's Agreement to Sell Saab Unit Falls Apart
- Consumer Confidence Improves but Still Shaky
- US Home Prices Up 5th Month, 2nd Straight Quarter
- FDIC Fund Falls into The Red, Bair Urges Lending
- Ron Paul's Plan to Audit Fed a 'Serious Attack': Mishkin
- Strong Banks, Weak Credit: Treasury Rethinks TARP
- Price War Brews Between Amazon and Wal-Mart
- Buyers Look For Bargains At Luxury Condo Auction
- Blog: Behind The Scenes With Warren Buffett
RSS FEED
Text Size 
Writer
Oh my, how ghastly!
Shocking news out of Britain today: Queen Elizabeth could run out of money by 2012 unless the government steps in and gives her a raise!
 |
AP Queen Elizabeth II |
(A convenient headline, given that negotiations over how much the government pays to keep the monarchy humming are set to reopen next year.)
Just one teensy problem: While the Queen was busy stomping her royal foot, Britain's economy was plunging at the fastest rate in 50 years.
And British taxpayers are already aggravated with how much the Royal family is spending of their hard-earned money during a recession. So, it’s possible her request for an increase in her allowance will be met with a slap on her gloved wrist.
But don’t worry, Queenie! I’ve got some ideas for how you can set an example for your subjects by going back to work — and make enough money to supplement your velvet-cape habit:
Start a Video Blog. Pick a nice gold-trimmed closet at Buckingham Palace and set up a video camera. You could give tips on etiquette. Or, since your spokesman says you’re thrifty, tips on saving money. Or, just riff about whoever or whatever’s annoying you that day. It’ll be like Rosie's blog, only classier. You’ll get tons of advertising and wonder why you never did this before.
Host a Reality Show. You could follow Paris Hilton’s lead and do a show called “The Queen’s New BFF.” Of course, you wouldn’t even consider befriending whatever oafish creature made it through to the end, but, oh, wouldn’t your adoring public find it just so quaint that you not only knew what a BFF was, but were willing to mingle so freely with commoners? Or, you could host a season of VH1’s “Charm School,” where you could impart some of your Queenly manners on ladies of a, how shall we say, less desirable character? It would be great service to society and, if I do say, quite lucrative in the ratings. [VIA
Loading...
()
]
Become the Queen of Infomericals. With the King of Infomercials, Billy Mays, dead, the world is desperately in need of product-endorsement royalty! Why not step in to fill that void, and become the spokesqueen for Mighty Putty, Oxyclean and the Awesome Auger?! The possibilities are endless: You could do gem segments on QVC, host an HGTV show called “Gardening With the Queen.” Imagine what a queen’s endorsement could do for a product and the economy — not to mention your own little gem-encrusted purse! [LINTA
Loading...
()
] [SNI
Loading...
()
]
Put Out a Queen's Gone Wild Tape. This is probably the most daft idea, but the one that would provide the most bang for your buck — er, pow for your pound! All you have to is invite Justin Timberlake to England and take him out to a pub, where you proceed to get totally hammered. Demand that he hoist you onto the bar and start dancing suggestively. Stick your gloved finger in the air and declare that you, the Queen of England, are “bringing sexy back to England!” Have someone secretly tape and distribute it, while you, of course, publicly deny it. It will feel good to let your royal coif down and to have a boy toy for the evening. You might enjoy it so much, you’ll do a sequel!
Everybody, all together now:
God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen:
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the Queen!
More From CNBC.com:
- UK Plans Innovation Fund
- British Royal Mint Issues Rare Coins
- Queen Orders Swan Count
- Billy Mays—He Left the World Knowing He Sold It
- Italy Intercepts Billions in Fake Treasurys
- Hirschhorn: Don't Get Madoff'd
- Retirement: Is 80 the New 65?
- Barclays Invades Brooklyn. Fugheddaboudit!
- How to Get a $3 Million Mansion for $10
- Get Drunk, Twitter—Make $10,000 a Month
Questions? Comments? Write to .
Data is a real-time snapshot *Data is delayed at least 15 minutes